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Henry IV, Part 1 - Act 3, scene 3
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Henry IV, Part 1 - Act 3, scene 3Act 3, scene 3
⌜Scene 3⌝
Synopsis:
Falstaff tries to swindle the Hostess of the inn. Prince Hal offers Falstaff a command in the infantry.
Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.FALSTAFF 2020 Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since
2021 this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle?
2022 Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s
2023 loose gown. I am withered like an old applejohn.
2024 5 Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in
2025 some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then
2026 I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not
2027 forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I
2028 am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a
2029 10 church! Company, villainous company, hath been
2030 the spoil of me.
BARDOLPH 2031 Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live
2032 long.
FALSTAFF 2033 Why, there is it. Come, sing me a bawdy
2034 15 song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a
2035 gentleman need to be, virtuous enough: swore
2036 little; diced not above seven times—a week; went to
2037 a bawdy house not above once in a quarter—of an
2038 hour; paid money that I borrowed—three or four
2039 20 times; lived well and in good compass; and now I
2040 live out of all order, out of all compass.
BARDOLPH 2041 Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must
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143
2042
needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable2043 compass, Sir John.
FALSTAFF 2044 25Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my
2045 life. Thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern
2046 in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee. Thou art the
2047 Knight of the Burning Lamp.
BARDOLPH 2048 Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
FALSTAFF 2049 30No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as
2050 many a man doth of a death’s-head or a memento
2051 mori. I never see thy face but I think upon hellfire
2052 and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his
2053 robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given
2054 35 to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath should
2055 be “By this fire, ⌜that’s⌝ God’s angel.” But thou art
2056 altogether given over, and wert indeed, but for the
2057 light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When
2058 thou ran’st up Gad’s Hill in the night to catch my
2059 40 horse, if I did not think thou hadst been an ignis
2060 fatuus, or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in
2061 money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting
2062 bonfire-light. Thou hast saved me a thousand
2063 marks in links and torches, walking with thee in the
2064 45 night betwixt tavern and tavern, but the sack that
2065 thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as
2066 good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I
2067 have maintained that salamander of yours with fire
2068 any time this two-and-thirty years, God reward me
2069 50 for it.
BARDOLPH 2070 ’Sblood, I would my face were in your
2071 belly!
FALSTAFF 2072 Godamercy, so should I be sure to be
2073 heartburned!
Enter Hostess.
2074 55 How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired
2075 yet who picked my pocket?
p.
145
HOSTESS
2076
Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John,2077 do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have
2078 searched, I have enquired, so has my husband,
2079 60 man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant.
2080 The ⌜tithe⌝ of a hair was never lost in my house
2081 before.
FALSTAFF 2082 You lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and
2083 lost many a hair, and I’ll be sworn my pocket was
2084 65 picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.
HOSTESS 2085 Who, I? No, I defy thee! God’s light, I was
2086 never called so in mine own house before.
FALSTAFF 2087 Go to, I know you well enough.
HOSTESS 2088 No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I
2089 70 know you, Sir John. You owe me money, Sir John,
2090 and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I
2091 bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.
FALSTAFF 2092 Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them
2093 away to bakers’ wives; they have made bolters of
2094 75 them.
HOSTESS 2095 Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight
2096 shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir
2097 John, for your diet and by-drinkings and money
2098 lent you, four-and-twenty pound.
FALSTAFF, ⌜pointing to Bardolph⌝ 2099 80He had his part of it.
2100 Let him pay.
HOSTESS 2101 He? Alas, he is poor. He hath nothing.
FALSTAFF 2102 How, poor? Look upon his face. What call
2103 you rich? Let them coin his nose. Let them coin his
2104 85 cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a
2105 younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine
2106 inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a
2107 seal ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.
HOSTESS, ⌜to Bardolph⌝ 2108 O Jesu, I have heard the Prince
2109 90 tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was
2110 copper.
FALSTAFF 2111 How? The Prince is a jack, a sneak-up.
p.
147
2112
’Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a2113 dog if he would say so.
Enter the Prince marching, ⌜with Peto,⌝ and Falstaff
meets him playing upon his truncheon like a fife.
2114 95 How now, lad, is the wind in that door, i’ faith? Must
2115 we all march?
BARDOLPH 2116 Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
HOSTESS, ⌜to Prince⌝ 2117 My lord, I pray you, hear me.
PRINCE 2118 What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth
2119 100 thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.
HOSTESS 2120 Good my lord, hear me.
FALSTAFF 2121 Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.
PRINCE 2122 What say’st thou, Jack?
FALSTAFF 2123 The other night I fell asleep here, behind the
2124 105 arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is
2125 turned bawdy house; they pick pockets.
PRINCE 2126 What didst thou lose, Jack?
FALSTAFF 2127 Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four
2128 bonds of forty pound apiece, and a seal ring of my
2129 110 grandfather’s.
PRINCE 2130 A trifle, some eightpenny matter.
HOSTESS 2131 So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard
2132 your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most
2133 vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man, as he is, and
2134 115 said he would cudgel you.
PRINCE 2135 What, he did not!
HOSTESS 2136 There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood
2137 in me else.
FALSTAFF 2138 There’s no more faith in thee than in a
2139 120 stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a
2140 drawn fox, and for womanhood, Maid Marian may
2141 be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you
2142 thing, go.
HOSTESS 2143 Say, what thing, what thing?
FALSTAFF 2144 125What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.
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149
HOSTESS
2145
I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou2146 shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and,
2147 setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to
2148 call me so.
FALSTAFF 2149 130Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a
2150 beast to say otherwise.
HOSTESS 2151 Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
FALSTAFF 2152 What beast? Why, an otter.
PRINCE 2153 An otter, Sir John. Why an otter?
FALSTAFF 2154 135Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man
2155 knows not where to have her.
HOSTESS 2156 Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or
2157 any man knows where to have me, thou knave,
2158 thou.
PRINCE 2159 140Thou sayst true, hostess, and he slanders thee
2160 most grossly.
HOSTESS 2161 So he doth you, my lord, and said this other
2162 day you owed him a thousand pound.
PRINCE 2163 Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
FALSTAFF 2164 145A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is
2165 worth a million; thou owest me thy love.
HOSTESS 2166 Nay, my lord, he called you “jack,” and said
2167 he would cudgel you.
FALSTAFF 2168 Did I, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH 2169 150Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
FALSTAFF 2170 Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
PRINCE 2171 I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy
2172 word now?
FALSTAFF 2173 Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but
2174 155 man, I dare, but as thou art prince, I fear thee as I
2175 fear the roaring of the lion’s whelp.
PRINCE 2176 And why not as the lion?
FALSTAFF 2177 The King himself is to be feared as the lion.
2178 Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father?
2179 160 Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.
PRINCE 2180 O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about
p.
151
2181
thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith,2182 truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all
2183 filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest
2184 165 woman with picking thy pocket? Why, thou whoreson,
2185 impudent, embossed rascal, if there were
2186 anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings,
2187 memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor
2188 pennyworth of sugar candy to make thee long-winded,
2189 170 if thy pocket were enriched with any other
2190 injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will
2191 stand to it! You will not pocket up wrong! Art thou
2192 not ashamed?
FALSTAFF 2193 Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the
2194 175 state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor
2195 Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy? Thou seest I
2196 have more flesh than another man and therefore
2197 more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my
2198 pocket.
PRINCE 2199 180It appears so by the story.
FALSTAFF 2200 Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready
2201 breakfast, love thy husband, look to thy servants,
2202 cherish thy ⌜guests.⌝ Thou shalt find me tractable
2203 to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still.
2204 185 Nay, prithee, begone. (Hostess exits.) Now, Hal, to
2205 the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that
2206 answered?
PRINCE 2207 O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to
2208 thee. The money is paid back again.
FALSTAFF 2209 190O, I do not like that paying back. ’Tis a double
2210 labor.
PRINCE 2211 I am good friends with my father and may do
2212 anything.
FALSTAFF 2213 Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou
2214 195 dost, and do it with unwashed hands too.
BARDOLPH 2215 Do, my lord.
PRINCE 2216 I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.
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153
FALSTAFF
2217
I would it had been of horse. Where shall I2218 find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief of
2219 200 the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously
2220 unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these
2221 rebels. They offend none but the virtuous. I laud
2222 them; I praise them.
PRINCE 2223 Bardolph.
BARDOLPH 2224 205My lord.
PRINCE, ⌜handing Bardolph papers⌝
2225 Go, bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
2226 To my brother John; this to my Lord of
2227 Westmoreland.⌜Bardolph exits.⌝
2228 Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I
2229 210 Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time.
⌜Peto exits.⌝
2230 Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall
2231 At two o’clock in the afternoon;
2232 There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive
2233 Money and order for their furniture.
2234 215 The land is burning. Percy stands on high,
2235 And either we or they must lower lie.⌜He exits.⌝
FALSTAFF
2236 Rare words, brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast,
2237 come.—
2238 O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.
⌜He exits.⌝