Love's Labor's Lost - Act 3, scene 1
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Act 3, scene 1
Armado frees Costard and gives him a love letter to take to Jaquenetta. Berowne then enters. He gives Costard a letter to take to Rosaline. Berowne, alone, admits that he is in love.Enter Braggart ⌜Armado⌝ and his Boy.
ARMADO 0778 Warble, child, make passionate my sense of
BOY ⌜sings⌝ 0780 Concolinel.
ARMADO 0781 Sweet air. Go, tenderness of years. ⌜He hands
over a key.⌝ 0782 5Take this key, give enlargement to the
0783 swain, bring him festinately hither. I must employ
0784 him in a letter to my love.
BOY 0785 Master, will you win your love with a French
ARMADO 0787 10How meanest thou? Brawling in French?
BOY 0788 No, my complete master, but to jig off a tune at the
0789 tongue’s end, canary to it with your feet, humor it
0790 with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and sing a
0791 note, sometimes through the throat ⌜as⌝ if you
0792 15 swallowed love with singing love, sometimes
0793 through ⌜the⌝ nose as if you snuffed up love by
0794 smelling love; with your hat penthouse-like o’er the
0795 shop of your eyes, with your arms crossed on your
0796 ⟨thin-belly⟩ doublet like a rabbit on a spit; or your
0797 20 hands in your pocket like a man after the old
0798 painting; and keep not too long in one tune, but a
0799 snip and away. These are compliments, these are
0800 humors; these betray nice wenches that would be
0801 betrayed without these, and make them men of
0803 to these.
ARMADO 0804 How hast thou purchased this experience?
BOY 0805 By my ⌜penny⌝ of observation.
ARMADO 0806 But O— but O—.
BOY 0807 30“The hobby-horse is forgot.”
ARMADO 0808 Call’st thou my love “hobby-horse”?
BOY 0809 No, master. The hobby-horse is but a colt, ⌜aside⌝
0810 and your love perhaps a hackney.—But have you
0811 forgot your love?
ARMADO 0812 35Almost I had.
BOY 0813 Negligent student, learn her by heart.
ARMADO 0814 By heart and in heart, boy.
BOY 0815 And out of heart, master. All those three I will
ARMADO 0817 40What wilt thou prove?
BOY 0818 A man, if I live; and this “by, in, and without,”
0819 upon the instant: “by” heart you love her, because
0820 your heart cannot come by her; “in” heart you love
0821 her, because your heart is in love with her; and
0822 45 “out” of heart you love her, being out of heart that
0823 you cannot enjoy her.
ARMADO 0824 I am all these three.
BOY 0825 And three times as much more, ⌜aside⌝ and yet
0826 nothing at all.
ARMADO 0827 50Fetch hither the swain. He must carry me a
BOY 0829 A message well sympathized—a horse to be ambassador
0830 for an ass.
ARMADO 0831 Ha? Ha? What sayest thou?
BOY 0832 55Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse,
0833 for he is very slow-gaited. But I go.
ARMADO 0834 The way is but short. Away!
BOY 0835 As swift as lead, sir.
ARMADO 0836 ⟨Thy⟩ meaning, pretty ingenious?
0837 60 Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
0838 Minime, honest master, or rather, master, no.
0839 I say lead is slow.
BOY 0840 You are too swift, sir, to say so.
0841 Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?
ARMADO 0842 65Sweet smoke of rhetoric!
0843 He reputes me a cannon, and the bullet, that’s
0845 I shoot thee at the swain.
BOY 0846 Thump, then, and I flee.
0847 70 A most acute juvenal, voluble and free of grace.
0848 By thy favor, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face.
0849 Most rude melancholy, valor gives thee place.
0850 My herald is returned.
Enter ⌜Boy⌝ and Clown ⌜Costard.⌝
BOY 0851 A wonder, master!
0852 75 Here’s a costard broken in a shin.
0853 Some enigma, some riddle. Come, thy l’envoi begin.
COSTARD 0854 No egma, no riddle, no l’envoi, no salve in
0855 the mail, sir. O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain! No
0856 l’envoi, no l’envoi, no salve, sir, but a plantain.
ARMADO 0857 80By virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly
0858 thought, my spleen. The heaving of my lungs
0859 provokes me to ridiculous smiling. O pardon me,
0860 my stars! Doth the inconsiderate take salve for
0861 l’envoi, and the word l’envoi for a salve?
0862 85 Do the wise think them other? Is not l’envoi a salve?
0863 No, page, it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain
0865 I will example it:
0866 The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
0867 90 Were still at odds, being but three.
0868 There’s the moral. Now the l’envoi.
BOY 0869 I will add the l’envoi. Say the moral again.
0870 The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
0871 Were still at odds, being but three.
0872 95 Until the goose came out of door
0873 And stayed the odds by adding four.
0874 Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with
0875 my l’envoi.
0876 The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
0877 100 Were still at odds, being but three.
0878 Until the goose came out of door,
0879 Staying the odds by adding four.
BOY 0880 A good l’envoi, ending in the goose. Would you
0881 desire more?
0882 105 The boy hath sold him a bargain—a goose, that’s
0884 Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat.
0885 To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and
0887 110 Let me see: a fat l’envoi—ay, that’s a fat goose.
0888 Come hither, come hither. How did this argument
0890 By saying that a costard was broken in a shin.
0891 Then called you for the l’envoi.
0893 argument in. Then the boy’s fat l’envoi, the goose
0894 that you bought; and he ended the market.
ARMADO 0895 But tell me, how was there a costard broken
0896 in a shin?
BOY 0897 120I will tell you sensibly.
COSTARD 0898 Thou hast no feeling of it, Mote. I will speak
0899 that l’envoi.
0900 I, Costard, running out, that was safely within,
0901 Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
ARMADO 0902 125We will talk no more of this matter.
COSTARD 0903 Till there be more matter in the shin.
ARMADO 0904 Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee.
COSTARD 0905 O, marry me to one Frances! I smell some
0906 l’envoi, some goose, in this.
ARMADO 0907 130By my sweet soul, I mean, setting thee at
0908 liberty, enfreedoming thy person. Thou wert immured,
0909 restrained, captivated, bound.
COSTARD 0910 True, true; and now you will be my purgation,
0911 and let me loose.
ARMADO 0912 135I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance,
0913 and, in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but
0914 this: bear this significant to the country maid
0915 Jaquenetta. (⌜He gives him a paper.⌝) There is remuneration
0916 (⌜giving him a coin,⌝) for the best ward of
0917 140 mine honor is rewarding my dependents.—Mote,
0918 follow.⌜He exits.⌝
BOY 0919 Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.
0920 My sweet ounce of man’s flesh, my incony Jew!
0921 Now will I look to his remuneration. ⌜He looks at the
coin.⌝ 0922 145“Remuneration”! O, that’s the Latin word for
0923 three farthings. Three farthings—remuneration.
0925 I’ll give you a remuneration.” Why, it carries it!
0926 Remuneration. Why, it is a fairer name than “French
0927 150 crown.” I will never buy and sell out of this word.
BEROWNE 0928 My good knave Costard, exceedingly well
COSTARD 0930 Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon
0931 may a man buy for a remuneration?
BEROWNE 0932 155What is a remuneration?
COSTARD 0933 Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing.
BEROWNE 0934 Why then, three farthing worth of silk.
COSTARD 0935 I thank your Worship. God be wi’ you.
⌜He begins to exit.⌝
BEROWNE 0936 Stay, slave, I must employ thee.
0937 160 As thou wilt win my favor, good my knave,
0938 Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.
COSTARD 0939 When would you have it done, sir?
BEROWNE 0940 This afternoon.
COSTARD 0941 Well, I will do it, sir. Fare you well.
BEROWNE 0942 165Thou knowest not what it is.
COSTARD 0943 I shall know, sir, when I have done it.
BEROWNE 0944 Why, villain, thou must know first.
COSTARD 0945 I will come to your Worship tomorrow
BEROWNE 0947 170It must be done this afternoon. Hark, slave,
0948 it is but this:
0949 The Princess comes to hunt here in the park,
0950 And in her train there is a gentle lady.
0951 When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her
0952 175 name,
0953 And Rosaline they call her. Ask for her,
0954 And to her white hand see thou do commend
gives him money.⌝ 0956 Go.
COSTARD 0957 180Gardon. ⌜He looks at the money.⌝ O sweet
0958 gardon! Better than remuneration, a ’levenpence
0959 farthing better! Most sweet gardon. I will do it, sir,
0960 in print. Gardon! Remuneration!He exits.
0961 And I forsooth in love! I that have been love’s whip,
0962 185 A very beadle to a humorous sigh,
0963 A critic, nay, a nightwatch constable,
0964 A domineering pedant o’er the boy,
0965 Than whom no mortal so magnificent.
0966 This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy,
0967 190 This Signior Junior, giant dwarf, Dan Cupid,
0968 Regent of love rhymes, lord of folded arms,
0969 Th’ anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
0970 Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
0971 Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
0972 195 Sole imperator and great general
0973 Of trotting paritors—O my little heart!
0974 And I to be a corporal of his field
0975 And wear his colors like a tumbler’s hoop!
0976 What? I love, I sue, I seek a wife?
0977 200 A woman, that is like a German ⌜clock,⌝
0978 Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
0979 And never going aright, being a watch,
0980 But being watched that it may still go right.
0981 Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all.
0982 205 And, among three, to love the worst of all,
0983 A whitely wanton with a velvet brow,
0984 With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes.
0985 Ay, and by heaven, one that will do the deed
0986 Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard.
0987 210 And I to sigh for her, to watch for her,
0988 To pray for her! Go to. It is a plague
0990 Of his almighty dreadful little might.
0991 Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, groan.
0992 215 Some men must love my lady, and some Joan.