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Love's Labor's Lost - Act 5, scene 1
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Navigate this workLove's Labor's Lost - Act 5, scene 1
Act 5, scene 1
Armado, ordered by the King to provide some entertainment for the Princess and her ladies, consults Holofernes, who suggests that a pageant of the Nine Worthies be presented.Enter ⌜Holofernes⌝ the Pedant, ⌜Nathaniel⌝ the Curate,
and Dull ⌜the Constable.⌝
HOLOFERNES 1742 Satis quid sufficit.
NATHANIEL 1743 I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at
1744 dinner have been sharp and sententious, pleasant
1745 without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious
1746 5 without impudency, learned without opinion,
1747 and strange without heresy. I did converse this
1748 quondam day with a companion of the King’s, who
1749 is intituled, nominated, or called Don Adriano de
HOLOFERNES 1751 10Novi ⌜hominem⌝ tanquam te. His humor
1752 is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed,
1753 his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
1754 behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
1755 too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
1756 15 were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
NATHANIEL 1757 A most singular and choice epithet.
Draw out his table book.
HOLOFERNES 1758 He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
1759 finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor
1760 such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
1761 20 point-devise companions, such rackers of orthography,
1762 as to speak “dout,” fine, when he should
1763 say “doubt”; “det” when he should pronounce
p. 1411764 “debt”—d, e, b, t, not d, e, t. He clepeth a calf
1765 “cauf,” half “hauf,” neighbor vocatur “nebor”;
1766 25 neigh abbreviated ne. This is abhominable—which
1767 he would call “abominable.” It insinuateth me of
1768 ⌜insanie.⌝ Ne intelligis, domine? To make frantic,
NATHANIEL 1770 Laus Deo, ⌜bone⌝ intelligo.
HOLOFERNES 1771 30⌜Bone? Bone⌝ for ⌜bene?⌝ Priscian a little
1772 scratched; ’twill serve.
Enter ⌜Armado the⌝ Braggart, Boy, ⌜and Costard.⌝
NATHANIEL 1773 Videsne quis venit?
HOLOFERNES 1774 Video, et gaudeo.
ARMADO 1775 Chirrah.
HOLOFERNES 1776 35Quare “chirrah,” not “sirrah”?
ARMADO 1777 Men of peace, well encountered.
HOLOFERNES 1778 Most military sir, salutation.
BOY, ⌜aside to Costard⌝ 1779 They have been at a great feast
1780 of languages and stolen the scraps.
COSTARD, ⌜aside to Boy⌝ 1781 40O, they have lived long on the
1782 almsbasket of words. I marvel thy master hath not
1783 eaten thee for a word, for thou art not so long by the
1784 head as honorificabilitudinitatibus. Thou art easier
1785 swallowed than a flapdragon.
BOY, ⌜aside to Costard⌝ 1786 45Peace, the peal begins.
ARMADO, ⌜to Holofernes⌝ 1787 Monsieur, are you not
BOY 1789 Yes, yes, he teaches boys the hornbook.—What is
1790 a, b spelled backward, with the horn on his head?
HOLOFERNES 1791 50Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
BOY 1792 Ba, most silly sheep, with a horn.—You hear his
HOLOFERNES 1794 Quis, quis, thou consonant?
BOY 1795 The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
1796 55 the fifth, if I.
HOLOFERNES 1797 I will repeat them: a, e, i—
p. 143BOY 1798 The sheep. The other two concludes it: o, u.
ARMADO 1799 Now by the salt ⟨wave⟩ of the Mediterraneum,
1800 a sweet touch, a quick venue of wit! Snip, snap,
1801 60 quick and home. It rejoiceth my intellect. True
BOY 1803 Offered by a child to an old man—which is
HOLOFERNES 1805 What is the figure? What is the figure?
BOY 1806 65Horns.
HOLOFERNES 1807 Thou disputes like an infant. Go whip thy
BOY 1809 Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip
1810 about your infamy—unum cita—a gig of a cuckold’s
1811 70 horn.
COSTARD 1812 An I had but one penny in the world, thou
1813 shouldst have it to buy gingerbread! Hold, there is
1814 the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou
1815 halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon egg of discretion.
1816 75 ⌜He gives him money.⌝ O, an the heavens were
1817 so pleased that thou wert but my bastard, what a
1818 joyful father wouldest thou make me! Go to, thou
1819 hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers’ ends, as they say.
HOLOFERNES 1820 Oh, I smell false Latin! Dunghill for
1821 80 unguem.
ARMADO 1822 Arts-man, preambulate. We will be singuled
1823 from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at
1824 the charge-house on the top of the mountain?
HOLOFERNES 1825 Or mons, the hill.
ARMADO 1826 85At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
HOLOFERNES 1827 I do, sans question.
ARMADO 1828 Sir, it is the King’s most sweet pleasure and
1829 affection to congratulate the Princess at her pavilion
1830 in the posteriors of this day, which the rude
1831 90 multitude call the afternoon.
HOLOFERNES 1832 “The posterior of the day,” most generous
1833 sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for
p. 1451834 “the afternoon”; the word is well culled, chose,
1835 sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure.
ARMADO 1836 95Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my
1837 familiar, I do assure you, very good friend. For
1838 what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech
1839 thee, remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee apparel
1840 thy head. And among other important and most
1841 100 serious designs, and of great import indeed, too—
1842 but let that pass; for I must tell thee, it will please his
1843 Grace, by the world, sometimes to lean upon my
1844 poor shoulder and with his royal finger thus dally
1845 with my excrement, with my mustachio—but,
1846 105 sweetheart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
1847 fable! Some certain special honors it pleaseth his
1848 Greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
1849 travel, that hath seen the world—but let that pass.
1850 The very all of all is—but sweetheart, I do implore
1851 110 secrecy—that the King would have me present the
1852 Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation,
1853 or show, or pageant, or antic, or firework.
1854 Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet
1855 self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking
1856 115 out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you
1857 withal to the end to crave your assistance.
HOLOFERNES 1858 Sir, you shall present before her the Nine
1859 Worthies.—Sir ⌜Nathaniel,⌝ as concerning some
1860 entertainment of time, some show in the posterior
1861 120 of this day, to be ⌜rendered⌝ by our ⌜assistance,⌝ the
1862 King’s command, and this most gallant, illustrate,
1863 and learned gentleman, before the Princess—I say,
1864 none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
NATHANIEL 1865 Where will you find men worthy enough to
1866 125 present them?
HOLOFERNES 1867 Joshua, yourself; myself; and this gallant
1868 gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus. This swain, because
1869 of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey
1870 the Great; the page, Hercules—
p. 147ARMADO 1871 130Pardon, sir—error. He is not quantity
1872 enough for that Worthy’s thumb; he is not so big as
1873 the end of his club!
HOLOFERNES 1874 Shall I have audience? He shall present
1875 Hercules in minority. His enter and exit shall be
1876 135 strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for
1877 that purpose.
BOY 1878 An excellent device. So, if any of the audience
1879 hiss, you may cry “Well done, Hercules, now thou
1880 crushest the snake.” That is the way to make an
1881 140 offense gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
ARMADO 1882 For the rest of the Worthies?
HOLOFERNES 1883 I will play three myself.
BOY 1884 Thrice-worthy gentleman!
ARMADO, ⌜to Holofernes⌝ 1885 Shall I tell you a thing?
HOLOFERNES 1886 145We attend.
ARMADO 1887 We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I
1888 beseech you, follow.
HOLOFERNES 1889 Via, goodman Dull. Thou hast spoken no
1890 word all this while.
DULL 1891 150Nor understood none neither, sir.
HOLOFERNES 1892 ⌜Allons!⌝ We will employ thee.
DULL 1893 I’ll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play on
1894 the tabor to the Worthies and let them dance the
HOLOFERNES 1896 155Most dull, honest Dull. To our sport!