Twelfth Night - Entire Play
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Twelfth Night—an allusion to the night of festivity preceding the Christian celebration of the Epiphany—combines love, confusion, mistaken identities, and joyful discovery.
After the twins Sebastian and Viola survive a shipwreck, neither knows that the other is alive. Viola goes into service with Count Orsino of Illyria, disguised as a young man, “Cesario.” Orsino sends Cesario to woo the Lady Olivia on his behalf, but Olivia falls in love with Cesario. Viola, in the meantime, has fallen in love with Orsino.
At the estate of Lady Olivia, Sir Toby Belch , Olivia’s kinsman, has brought in Sir Andrew Aguecheek to be her suitor. A confrontation between Olivia’s steward, Malvolio, and the partying Toby and his cohort leads to a revenge plot against Malvolio. Malvolio is tricked into making a fool of himself, and he is locked in a dungeon as a lunatic.
In the meantime, Sebastian has been rescued by a sea captain, Antonio. When Viola, as Cesario, is challenged to a duel, Antonio mistakes her for Sebastian, comes to her aid, and is arrested. Olivia, meanwhile, mistakes Sebastian for Cesario and declares her love. When, finally, Sebastian and Viola appear together, the puzzles around the mistaken identities are solved: Cesario is revealed as Viola, Orsino asks for Viola’s hand, Sebastian will wed Olivia, and Viola will marry Count Orsino. Malvolio, blaming Olivia and others for his humiliation, vows revenge.
⌜with Musicians playing.⌝
0001 If music be the food of love, play on.
0002 Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
0003 The appetite may sicken and so die.
0004 That strain again! It had a dying fall.
0005 5 O, it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound
0006 That breathes upon a bank of violets,
0007 Stealing and giving odor. Enough; no more.
0008 ’Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
0009 O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou,
0010 10 That, notwithstanding thy capacity
0011 Receiveth as the sea, naught enters there,
0012 Of what validity and pitch soe’er,
0013 But falls into abatement and low price
0014 Even in a minute. So full of shapes is fancy
0015 15 That it alone is high fantastical.
0016 Will you go hunt, my lord?
ORSINO 0017 What, Curio?
CURIO 0018 The hart.
0019 Why, so I do, the noblest that I have.
0020 20 O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,
0022 That instant was I turned into a hart,
0023 And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,
0024 E’er since pursue me.
0025 25 How now, what news from her?
0026 So please my lord, I might not be admitted,
0027 But from her handmaid do return this answer:
0028 The element itself, till seven years’ heat,
0029 Shall not behold her face at ample view,
0030 30 But like a cloistress she will veilèd walk,
0031 And water once a day her chamber round
0032 With eye-offending brine—all this to season
0033 A brother’s dead love, which she would keep fresh
0034 And lasting in her sad remembrance.
0035 35 O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame
0036 To pay this debt of love but to a brother,
0037 How will she love when the rich golden shaft
0038 Hath killed the flock of all affections else
0039 That live in her; when liver, brain, and heart,
0040 40 These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and filled
0041 Her sweet perfections with one self king!
0042 Away before me to sweet beds of flowers!
0043 Love thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.
VIOLA 0044 What country, friends, is this?
CAPTAIN 0045 This is Illyria, lady.
0046 And what should I do in Illyria?
0048 5 Perchance he is not drowned.—What think you,
0050 It is perchance that you yourself were saved.
0051 O, my poor brother! And so perchance may he be.
0052 True, madam. And to comfort you with chance,
0053 10 Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
0054 When you and those poor number saved with you
0055 Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
0056 Most provident in peril, bind himself
0057 (Courage and hope both teaching him the practice)
0058 15 To a strong mast that lived upon the sea,
0059 Where, like ⌜Arion⌝ on the dolphin’s back,
0060 I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves
0061 So long as I could see.
VIOLA, ⌜giving him money⌝ 0062 For saying so, there’s gold.
0063 20 Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
0064 Whereto thy speech serves for authority,
0065 The like of him. Know’st thou this country?
0066 Ay, madam, well, for I was bred and born
0067 Not three hours’ travel from this very place.
VIOLA 0068 25Who governs here?
0069 A noble duke, in nature as in name.
VIOLA 0070 What is his name?
CAPTAIN 0071 Orsino.
0072 Orsino. I have heard my father name him.
0073 30 He was a bachelor then.
0074 And so is now, or was so very late;
0075 For but a month ago I went from hence,
0077 What great ones do the less will prattle of)
0078 35 That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.
VIOLA 0079 What’s she?
0080 A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count
0081 That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her
0082 In the protection of his son, her brother,
0083 40 Who shortly also died, for whose dear love,
0084 They say, she hath abjured the sight
0085 And company of men.
VIOLA 0086 O, that I served that lady,
0087 And might not be delivered to the world
0088 45 Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
0089 What my estate is.
CAPTAIN 0090 That were hard to compass
0091 Because she will admit no kind of suit,
0092 No, not the Duke’s.
0093 50 There is a fair behavior in thee, captain,
0094 And though that nature with a beauteous wall
0095 Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee
0096 I will believe thou hast a mind that suits
0097 With this thy fair and outward character.
0098 55 I prithee—and I’ll pay thee bounteously—
0099 Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
0100 For such disguise as haply shall become
0101 The form of my intent. I’ll serve this duke.
0102 Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him.
0103 60 It may be worth thy pains, for I can sing
0104 And speak to him in many sorts of music
0105 That will allow me very worth his service.
0106 What else may hap, to time I will commit.
0107 Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.
0108 65 Be you his eunuch, and your mute I’ll be.
VIOLA 0110 I thank thee. Lead me on.
TOBY 0111 What a plague means my niece to take the death
0112 of her brother thus? I am sure care’s an enemy to
MARIA 0114 By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier
0115 5 o’ nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions
0116 to your ill hours.
TOBY 0117 Why, let her except before excepted!
MARIA 0118 Ay, but you must confine yourself within the
0119 modest limits of order.
TOBY 0120 10Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am.
0121 These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so
0122 be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang
0123 themselves in their own straps!
MARIA 0124 That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I
0125 15 heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish
0126 knight that you brought in one night here to be her
TOBY 0128 Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
MARIA 0129 Ay, he.
TOBY 0130 20He’s as tall a man as any ’s in Illyria.
MARIA 0131 What’s that to th’ purpose?
TOBY 0132 Why, he has three thousand ducats a year!
MARIA 0133 Ay, but he’ll have but a year in all these ducats.
0134 He’s a very fool and a prodigal.
TOBY 0135 25Fie that you’ll say so! He plays o’ th’ viol-de-gamboys
0136 and speaks three or four languages word
0137 for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of
0140 30 that he’s a fool, he’s a great quarreler, and, but that
0141 he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath
0142 in quarreling, ’tis thought among the prudent he
0143 would quickly have the gift of a grave.
TOBY 0144 By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors
0145 35 that say so of him. Who are they?
MARIA 0146 They that add, moreover, he’s drunk nightly in
0147 your company.
TOBY 0148 With drinking healths to my niece. I’ll drink to
0149 her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
0150 40 drink in Illyria. He’s a coward and a coistrel that
0151 will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o’ th’
0152 toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo,
0153 for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.
Enter Sir Andrew.
ANDREW 0154 Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?
TOBY 0155 45Sweet Sir Andrew!
ANDREW, ⌜to Maria⌝ 0156 Bless you, fair shrew.
MARIA 0157 And you too, sir.
TOBY 0158 Accost, Sir Andrew, accost!
ANDREW 0159 What’s that?
TOBY 0160 50My niece’s chambermaid.
⌜ANDREW⌝ 0161 Good Mistress Accost, I desire better
MARIA 0163 My name is Mary, sir.
ANDREW 0164 Good Mistress Mary Accost—
TOBY 0165 55You mistake, knight. “Accost” is front her, board
0166 her, woo her, assail her.
ANDREW 0167 By my troth, I would not undertake her in
0168 this company. Is that the meaning of “accost”?
MARIA 0169 Fare you well, gentlemen.⌜She begins to exit.⌝
TOBY 0170 60An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou
0171 mightst never draw sword again.
ANDREW 0172 An you part so, mistress, I would I might
0174 have fools in hand?
MARIA 0175 65Sir, I have not you by th’ hand.
ANDREW 0176 Marry, but you shall have, and here’s my
0177 hand.⌜He offers his hand.⌝
MARIA, ⌜taking his hand⌝ 0178 Now sir, thought is free. I
0179 pray you, bring your hand to th’ butt’ry bar and let
0180 70 it drink.
ANDREW 0181 Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your
MARIA 0183 It’s dry, sir.
ANDREW 0184 Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I
0185 75 can keep my hand dry. But what’s your jest?
MARIA 0186 A dry jest, sir.
ANDREW 0187 Are you full of them?
MARIA 0188 Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers’ ends. Marry,
0189 now I let go your hand, I am barren.Maria exits.
TOBY 0190 80O knight, thou lack’st a cup of canary! When did
0191 I see thee so put down?
ANDREW 0192 Never in your life, I think, unless you see
0193 canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have
0194 no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man
0195 85 has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that
0196 does harm to my wit.
TOBY 0197 No question.
ANDREW 0198 An I thought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride
0199 home tomorrow, Sir Toby.
TOBY 0200 90Pourquoi, my dear knight?
ANDREW 0201 What is “pourquoi”? Do, or not do? I would I
0202 had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
0203 fencing, dancing, and bearbaiting. O, had I but
0204 followed the arts!
TOBY 0205 95Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
ANDREW 0206 Why, would that have mended my hair?
TOBY 0207 Past question, for thou seest it will not ⌜curl by⌝
TOBY 0210 100Excellent! It hangs like flax on a distaff, and I
0211 hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs
0212 and spin it off.
ANDREW 0213 Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your
0214 niece will not be seen, or if she be, it’s four to one
0215 105 she’ll none of me. The Count himself here hard by
0216 woos her.
TOBY 0217 She’ll none o’ th’ Count. She’ll not match above
0218 her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have
0219 heard her swear ’t. Tut, there’s life in ’t, man.
ANDREW 0220 110I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ th’
0221 strangest mind i’ th’ world. I delight in masques
0222 and revels sometimes altogether.
TOBY 0223 Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
ANDREW 0224 As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be,
0225 115 under the degree of my betters, and yet I will not
0226 compare with an old man.
TOBY 0227 What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
ANDREW 0228 Faith, I can cut a caper.
TOBY 0229 And I can cut the mutton to ’t.
ANDREW 0230 120And I think I have the back-trick simply as
0231 strong as any man in Illyria.
TOBY 0232 Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have
0233 these gifts a curtain before ’em? Are they like to
0234 take dust, like Mistress Mall’s picture? Why dost
0235 125 thou not go to church in a galliard and come home
0236 in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. I would
0237 not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace.
0238 What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues
0239 in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
0240 130 leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
ANDREW 0241 Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
0242 ⌜dun-colored⌝ stock. Shall we ⌜set⌝ about some
0245 135 Taurus?
ANDREW 0246 Taurus? ⌜That’s⌝ sides and heart.
TOBY 0247 No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee
0248 caper. ⌜Sir Andrew dances.⌝ Ha, higher! Ha, ha,
VALENTINE 0250 If the Duke continue these favors towards
0251 you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced. He
0252 hath known you but three days, and already you
0253 are no stranger.
VIOLA 0254 5You either fear his humor or my negligence, that
0255 you call in question the continuance of his love. Is
0256 he inconstant, sir, in his favors?
VALENTINE 0257 No, believe me.
VIOLA 0258 I thank you.
Enter ⌜Orsino,⌝ Curio, and Attendants.
0259 10 Here comes the Count.
ORSINO 0260 Who saw Cesario, ho?
VIOLA 0261 On your attendance, my lord, here.
ORSINO, ⌜to Curio and Attendants⌝
0262 Stand you awhile aloof.—Cesario,
0263 Thou know’st no less but all. I have unclasped
0264 15 To thee the book even of my secret soul.
0265 Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her.
0266 Be not denied access. Stand at her doors
0267 And tell them, there thy fixèd foot shall grow
0268 Till thou have audience.
VIOLA 0269 20 Sure, my noble lord,
0270 If she be so abandoned to her sorrow
0271 As it is spoke, she never will admit me.
0272 Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds
0273 Rather than make unprofited return.
0274 25 Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?
0275 O, then unfold the passion of my love.
0276 Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith.
0277 It shall become thee well to act my woes.
0278 She will attend it better in thy youth
0279 30 Than in a nuncio’s of more grave aspect.
0280 I think not so, my lord.
ORSINO 0281 Dear lad, believe it;
0282 For they shall yet belie thy happy years
0283 That say thou art a man. Diana’s lip
0284 35 Is not more smooth and rubious, thy small pipe
0285 Is as the maiden’s organ, shrill and sound,
0286 And all is semblative a womans part.
0287 I know thy constellation is right apt
0288 For this affair.—Some four or five attend him,
0289 40 All, if you will, for I myself am best
0290 When least in company.—Prosper well in this
0291 And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,
0292 To call his fortunes thine.
VIOLA 0293 I’ll do my best
0294 45 To woo your lady. ⌜Aside.⌝ Yet a barful strife!
0295 Whoe’er I woo, myself would be his wife.
MARIA 0296 Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I
0297 will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter
FOOL 0300 5Let her hang me. He that is well hanged in this
0301 world needs to fear no colors.
MARIA 0302 Make that good.
FOOL 0303 He shall see none to fear.
MARIA 0304 A good Lenten answer. I can tell thee where
0305 10 that saying was born, of “I fear no colors.”
FOOL 0306 Where, good Mistress Mary?
MARIA 0307 In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in
0308 your foolery.
FOOL 0309 Well, God give them wisdom that have it, and
0310 15 those that are Fools, let them use their talents.
MARIA 0311 Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent.
0312 Or to be turned away, is not that as good as a
0313 hanging to you?
FOOL 0314 Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage,
0315 20 and, for turning away, let summer bear it out.
MARIA 0316 You are resolute, then?
FOOL 0317 Not so, neither, but I am resolved on two points.
MARIA 0318 That if one break, the other will hold, or if both
0319 break, your gaskins fall.
FOOL 0320 25Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way. If Sir
0321 Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
0322 piece of Eve’s flesh as any in Illyria.
MARIA 0323 Peace, you rogue. No more o’ that. Here comes
0324 my lady. Make your excuse wisely, you were best.
Enter Lady Olivia with Malvolio ⌜and Attendants.⌝
FOOL, ⌜aside⌝ 0325 30Wit, an ’t be thy will, put me into good
0326 fooling! Those wits that think they have thee do very
0327 oft prove fools, and I that am sure I lack thee may
0328 pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus?
0329 “Better a witty Fool than a foolish wit.”—God bless
0330 35 thee, lady!
FOOL 0332 Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the Lady.
OLIVIA 0333 Go to, you’re a dry Fool. I’ll no more of you.
0334 Besides, you grow dishonest.
FOOL 0335 40Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
0336 will amend. For give the dry Fool drink, then is
0337 the Fool not dry. Bid the dishonest man mend
0338 himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he
0339 cannot, let the botcher mend him. Anything that’s
0340 45 mended is but patched; virtue that transgresses is
0341 but patched with sin, and sin that amends is but
0342 patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism
0343 will serve, so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is
0344 no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty’s a flower.
0345 50 The Lady bade take away the Fool. Therefore, I say
0346 again, take her away.
OLIVIA 0347 Sir, I bade them take away you.
FOOL 0348 Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus
0349 non facit monachum. That’s as much to say as, I
0350 55 wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give
0351 me leave to prove you a fool.
OLIVIA 0352 Can you do it?
FOOL 0353 Dexteriously, good madonna.
OLIVIA 0354 Make your proof.
FOOL 0355 60I must catechize you for it, madonna. Good my
0356 mouse of virtue, answer me.
OLIVIA 0357 Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I’ll bide
0358 your proof.
FOOL 0359 Good madonna, why mourn’st thou?
OLIVIA 0360 65Good Fool, for my brother’s death.
FOOL 0361 I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
OLIVIA 0362 I know his soul is in heaven, Fool.
FOOL 0363 The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your
0364 brother’s soul, being in heaven. Take away the fool,
0365 70 gentlemen.
OLIVIA 0366 What think you of this Fool, Malvolio? Doth he
0367 not mend?
0369 shake him. Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth
0370 75 ever make the better Fool.
FOOL 0371 God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
0372 better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn
0373 that I am no fox, but he will not pass his word for
0374 twopence that you are no fool.
OLIVIA 0375 80How say you to that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 0376 I marvel your Ladyship takes delight in
0377 such a barren rascal. I saw him put down the other
0378 day with an ordinary fool that has no more brain
0379 than a stone. Look you now, he’s out of his guard
0380 85 already. Unless you laugh and minister occasion to
0381 him, he is gagged. I protest I take these wise men
0382 that crow so at these set kind of Fools no better than
0383 the Fools’ zanies.
OLIVIA 0384 O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste
0385 90 with a distempered appetite. To be generous, guiltless,
0386 and of free disposition is to take those things
0387 for bird-bolts that you deem cannon bullets. There
0388 is no slander in an allowed Fool, though he do
0389 nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet
0390 95 man, though he do nothing but reprove.
FOOL 0391 Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
0392 speak’st well of Fools!
MARIA 0393 Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman
0394 much desires to speak with you.
OLIVIA 0395 100From the Count Orsino, is it?
MARIA 0396 I know not, madam. ’Tis a fair young man, and
0397 well attended.
OLIVIA 0398 Who of my people hold him in delay?
MARIA 0399 Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.
OLIVIA 0400 105Fetch him off, I pray you. He speaks nothing
0401 but madman. Fie on him! ⌜Maria exits.⌝ Go you,
0402 Malvolio. If it be a suit from the Count, I am sick,
exits.) 0404 Now you see, sir, how your fooling
0405 110 grows old, and people dislike it.
FOOL 0406 Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
0407 son should be a Fool, whose skull Jove cram with
0408 brains, for—here he comes—one of thy kin has a
0409 most weak pia mater.
Enter Sir Toby.
OLIVIA 0410 115By mine honor, half drunk!—What is he at the
0411 gate, cousin?
TOBY 0412 A gentleman.
OLIVIA 0413 A gentleman? What gentleman?
TOBY 0414 ’Tis a gentleman here—a plague o’ these pickle
0415 120 herring!—How now, sot?
FOOL 0416 Good Sir Toby.
OLIVIA 0417 Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by
0418 this lethargy?
TOBY 0419 Lechery? I defy lechery. There’s one at the gate.
OLIVIA 0420 125Ay, marry, what is he?
TOBY 0421 Let him be the devil an he will, I care not. Give
0422 me faith, say I. Well, it’s all one.He exits.
OLIVIA 0423 What’s a drunken man like, Fool?
FOOL 0424 Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman. One
0425 130 draught above heat makes him a fool, the second
0426 mads him, and a third drowns him.
OLIVIA 0427 Go thou and seek the crowner and let him sit o’
0428 my coz, for he’s in the third degree of drink: he’s
0429 drowned. Go look after him.
FOOL 0430 135He is but mad yet, madonna, and the Fool shall
0431 look to the madman.⌜He exits.⌝
MALVOLIO 0432 Madam, yond young fellow swears he will
0433 speak with you. I told him you were sick; he takes
0435 140 comes to speak with you. I told him you were
0436 asleep; he seems to have a foreknowledge of that
0437 too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What is
0438 to be said to him, lady? He’s fortified against any
OLIVIA 0440 145Tell him he shall not speak with me.
MALVOLIO 0441 Has been told so, and he says he’ll stand at
0442 your door like a sheriff’s post and be the supporter
0443 to a bench, but he’ll speak with you.
OLIVIA 0444 What kind o’ man is he?
MALVOLIO 0445 150Why, of mankind.
OLIVIA 0446 What manner of man?
MALVOLIO 0447 Of very ill manner. He’ll speak with you,
0448 will you or no.
OLIVIA 0449 Of what personage and years is he?
MALVOLIO 0450 155Not yet old enough for a man, nor young
0451 enough for a boy—as a squash is before ’tis a
0452 peascod, or a codling when ’tis almost an apple. ’Tis
0453 with him in standing water, between boy and man.
0454 He is very well-favored, and he speaks very shrewishly.
0455 160 One would think his mother’s milk were
0456 scarce out of him.
0457 Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.
MALVOLIO 0458 Gentlewoman, my lady calls.He exits.
0459 Give me my veil. Come, throw it o’er my face.
0460 165 We’ll once more hear Orsino’s embassy.
VIOLA 0461 The honorable lady of the house, which is she?
VIOLA 0463 Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable
0464 beauty—I pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the
0465 170 house, for I never saw her. I would be loath to cast
0466 away my speech, for, besides that it is excellently
0467 well penned, I have taken great pains to con it. Good
0468 beauties, let me sustain no scorn. I am very comptible
0469 even to the least sinister usage.
OLIVIA 0470 175Whence came you, sir?
VIOLA 0471 I can say little more than I have studied, and
0472 that question’s out of my part. Good gentle one,
0473 give me modest assurance if you be the lady of the
0474 house, that I may proceed in my speech.
OLIVIA 0475 180Are you a comedian?
VIOLA 0476 No, my profound heart. And yet by the very
0477 fangs of malice I swear I am not that I play. Are
0478 you the lady of the house?
OLIVIA 0479 If I do not usurp myself, I am.
VIOLA 0480 185Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp
0481 yourself, for what is yours to bestow is not yours to
0482 reserve. But this is from my commission. I will on
0483 with my speech in your praise and then show you
0484 the heart of my message.
OLIVIA 0485 190Come to what is important in ’t. I forgive you
0486 the praise.
VIOLA 0487 Alas, I took great pains to study it, and ’tis
OLIVIA 0489 It is the more like to be feigned. I pray you,
0490 195 keep it in. I heard you were saucy at my gates, and
0491 allowed your approach rather to wonder at you than
0492 to hear you. If you be not mad, begone; if you have
0493 reason, be brief. ’Tis not that time of moon with me
0494 to make one in so skipping a dialogue.
MARIA 0495 200Will you hoist sail, sir? Here lies your way.
VIOLA 0496 No, good swabber, I am to hull here a little
⌜OLIVIA⌝ 0499 Tell me your mind.
⌜VIOLA⌝ 0500 205I am a messenger.
OLIVIA 0501 Sure you have some hideous matter to deliver
0502 when the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your
VIOLA 0504 It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture
0505 210 of war, no taxation of homage. I hold the olive in
0506 my hand. My words are as full of peace as matter.
OLIVIA 0507 Yet you began rudely. What are you? What
0508 would you?
VIOLA 0509 The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I
0510 215 learned from my entertainment. What I am and
0511 what I would are as secret as maidenhead: to your
0512 ears, divinity; to any other’s, profanation.
OLIVIA 0513 Give us the place alone. We will hear this
0514 divinity. ⌜Maria and Attendants exit.⌝ Now, sir, what
0515 220 is your text?
VIOLA 0516 Most sweet lady—
OLIVIA 0517 A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said
0518 of it. Where lies your text?
VIOLA 0519 In Orsino’s bosom.
OLIVIA 0520 225In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom?
VIOLA 0521 To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.
OLIVIA 0522 O, I have read it; it is heresy. Have you no more
0523 to say?
VIOLA 0524 Good madam, let me see your face.
OLIVIA 0525 230Have you any commission from your lord to
0526 negotiate with my face? You are now out of your
0527 text. But we will draw the curtain and show you the
0528 picture. ⌜She removes her veil.⌝ Look you, sir, such a
0529 one I was this present. Is ’t not well done?
VIOLA 0530 235Excellently done, if God did all.
OLIVIA 0531 ’Tis in grain, sir; ’twill endure wind and
0533 ’Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
0534 Nature’s own sweet and cunning hand laid on.
0535 240 Lady, you are the cruel’st she alive
0536 If you will lead these graces to the grave
0537 And leave the world no copy.
OLIVIA 0538 O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted! I will give
0539 out divers schedules of my beauty. It shall be
0540 245 inventoried and every particle and utensil labeled
0541 to my will: as, item, two lips indifferent red; item,
0542 two gray eyes with lids to them; item, one neck, one
0543 chin, and so forth. Were you sent hither to praise
0545 250 I see you what you are. You are too proud.
0546 But if you were the devil you are fair.
0547 My lord and master loves you. O, such love
0548 Could be but recompensed though you were
0550 255 The nonpareil of beauty.
OLIVIA 0551 How does he love me?
VIOLA 0552 With adorations, fertile tears,
0553 With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.
0554 Your lord does know my mind. I cannot love him.
0555 260 Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,
0556 Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;
0557 In voices well divulged, free, learned, and valiant,
0558 And in dimension and the shape of nature
0559 A gracious person. But yet I cannot love him.
0560 265 He might have took his answer long ago.
0561 If I did love you in my master’s flame,
0562 With such a suff’ring, such a deadly life,
0563 In your denial I would find no sense.
0564 I would not understand it.
0566 Make me a willow cabin at your gate
0567 And call upon my soul within the house,
0568 Write loyal cantons of contemnèd love
0569 And sing them loud even in the dead of night,
0570 275 Hallow your name to the reverberate hills
0571 And make the babbling gossip of the air
0572 Cry out “Olivia!” O, you should not rest
0573 Between the elements of air and earth
0574 But you should pity me.
OLIVIA 0575 280 You might do much.
0576 What is your parentage?
0577 Above my fortunes, yet my state is well.
0578 I am a gentleman.
OLIVIA 0579 Get you to your lord.
0580 285 I cannot love him. Let him send no more—
0581 Unless perchance you come to me again
0582 To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well.
0583 I thank you for your pains. Spend this for me.
⌜She offers money.⌝
0584 I am no fee’d post, lady. Keep your purse.
0585 290 My master, not myself, lacks recompense.
0586 Love make his heart of flint that you shall love,
0587 And let your fervor, like my master’s, be
0588 Placed in contempt. Farewell, fair cruelty.She exits.
OLIVIA 0589 “What is your parentage?”
0590 295 “Above my fortunes, yet my state is well.
0591 I am a gentleman.” I’ll be sworn thou art.
0592 Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit
0593 Do give thee fivefold blazon. Not too fast! Soft,
0595 300 Unless the master were the man. How now?
0596 Even so quickly may one catch the plague?
0598 With an invisible and subtle stealth
0599 To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.—
0600 305 What ho, Malvolio!
MALVOLIO 0601 Here, madam, at your service.
0602 Run after that same peevish messenger,
0603 The County’s man. He left this ring behind him,
0604 Would I or not. Tell him I’ll none of it.
⌜She hands him a ring.⌝
0605 310 Desire him not to flatter with his lord,
0606 Nor hold him up with hopes. I am not for him.
0607 If that the youth will come this way tomorrow,
0608 I’ll give him reasons for ’t. Hie thee, Malvolio.
MALVOLIO 0609 Madam, I will.He exits.
0610 315 I do I know not what, and fear to find
0611 Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.
0612 Fate, show thy force. Ourselves we do not owe.
0613 What is decreed must be, and be this so.
ANTONIO 0614 Will you stay no longer? Nor will you not that
0615 I go with you?
SEBASTIAN 0616 By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly
0617 over me. The malignancy of my fate might perhaps
0618 5 distemper yours. Therefore I shall crave of you your
0619 leave that I may bear my evils alone. It were a bad
0620 recompense for your love to lay any of them on you.
ANTONIO 0621 Let me yet know of you whither you are
SEBASTIAN 0623 10No, sooth, sir. My determinate voyage is
0624 mere extravagancy. But I perceive in you so excellent
0625 a touch of modesty that you will not extort
0626 from me what I am willing to keep in. Therefore it
0627 charges me in manners the rather to express myself.
0628 15 You must know of me, then, Antonio, my name
0629 is Sebastian, which I called Roderigo. My father was
0630 that Sebastian of Messaline whom I know you have
0631 heard of. He left behind him myself and a sister,
0632 both born in an hour. If the heavens had been
0633 20 pleased, would we had so ended! But you, sir,
0634 altered that, for some hour before you took me
0635 from the breach of the sea was my sister drowned.
ANTONIO 0636 Alas the day!
0638 25 resembled me, was yet of many accounted beautiful.
0639 But though I could not with such estimable
0640 wonder overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly
0641 publish her: she bore a mind that envy could not but
0642 call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt water,
0643 30 though I seem to drown her remembrance again
0644 with more.
ANTONIO 0645 Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.
SEBASTIAN 0646 O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.
ANTONIO 0647 If you will not murder me for my love, let me
0648 35 be your servant.
SEBASTIAN 0649 If you will not undo what you have done—
0650 that is, kill him whom you have recovered—desire
0651 it not. Fare you well at once. My bosom is full of
0652 kindness, and I am yet so near the manners of my
0653 40 mother that, upon the least occasion more, mine
0654 eyes will tell tales of me. I am bound to the Count
0655 Orsino’s court. Farewell.He exits.
0656 The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!
0657 I have many enemies in Orsino’s court,
0658 45 Else would I very shortly see thee there.
0659 But come what may, I do adore thee so
0660 That danger shall seem sport, and I will go.
MALVOLIO 0661 Were not you even now with the Countess
VIOLA 0663 Even now, sir. On a moderate pace I have since
0664 arrived but hither.
MALVOLIO 0665 5She returns this ring to you, sir. You might
0667 yourself. She adds, moreover, that you should put
0668 your lord into a desperate assurance she will none
0669 of him. And one thing more, that you be never so
0670 10 hardy to come again in his affairs unless it be to
0671 report your lord’s taking of this. Receive it so.
VIOLA 0672 She took the ring of me. I’ll none of it.
MALVOLIO 0673 Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her, and
0674 her will is it should be so returned. ⌜He throws
down the ring.⌝ 0675 15If it be worth stooping for, there it
0676 lies in your eye; if not, be it his that finds it.
0677 I left no ring with her. What means this lady?
⌜She picks up the ring.⌝
0678 Fortune forbid my outside have not charmed her!
0679 She made good view of me, indeed so much
0680 20 That methought her eyes had lost her tongue,
0681 For she did speak in starts distractedly.
0682 She loves me, sure! The cunning of her passion
0683 Invites me in this churlish messenger.
0684 None of my lord’s ring? Why, he sent her none!
0685 25 I am the man. If it be so, as ’tis,
0686 Poor lady, she were better love a dream.
0687 Disguise, I see thou art a wickedness
0688 Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.
0689 How easy is it for the proper false
0690 30 In women’s waxen hearts to set their forms!
0691 Alas, ⌜our⌝ frailty is the cause, not we,
0692 For such as we are made ⌜of,⌝ such we be.
0693 How will this fadge? My master loves her dearly,
0694 And I, poor monster, fond as much on him,
0695 35 And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.
0696 What will become of this? As I am man,
0697 My state is desperate for my master’s love.
0698 As I am woman (now, alas the day!),
0700 40 O Time, thou must untangle this, not I.
0701 It is too hard a knot for me t’ untie.
TOBY 0702 Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after
0703 midnight is to be up betimes, and “diluculo surgere,”
0704 thou know’st—
ANDREW 0705 Nay, by my troth, I know not. But I know to
0706 5 be up late is to be up late.
TOBY 0707 A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. To
0708 be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early,
0709 so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed
0710 betimes. Does not our lives consist of the four
0711 10 elements?
ANDREW 0712 Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists
0713 of eating and drinking.
TOBY 0714 Thou ’rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and
0715 drink. Marian, I say, a stoup of wine!
Enter ⌜Feste, the Fool.⌝
ANDREW 0716 15Here comes the Fool, i’ faith.
FOOL 0717 How now, my hearts? Did you never see the
0718 picture of “We Three”?
TOBY 0719 Welcome, ass! Now let’s have a catch.
ANDREW 0720 By my troth, the Fool has an excellent breast.
0721 20 I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
0722 and so sweet a breath to sing, as the Fool has.—In
0723 sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night
0724 when thou spok’st of Pigrogromitus of the Vapians
0725 passing the equinoctial of Queubus. ’Twas very
0726 25 good, i’ faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman.
0727 Hadst it?
0729 is no whipstock, my lady has a white hand, and the
0730 Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
ANDREW 0731 30Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling when
0732 all is done. Now, a song!
TOBY, ⌜giving money to the Fool⌝ 0733 Come on, there is
0734 sixpence for you. Let’s have a song.
ANDREW, ⌜giving money to the Fool⌝ 0735 There’s a testril of
0736 35 me, too. If one knight give a—
FOOL 0737 Would you have a love song or a song of good
TOBY 0739 A love song, a love song.
ANDREW 0740 Ay, ay, I care not for good life.
0741 40 O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
0742 O, stay and hear! Your truelove’s coming,
0743 That can sing both high and low.
0744 Trip no further, pretty sweeting.
0745 Journeys end in lovers meeting,
0746 45 Every wise man’s son doth know.
ANDREW 0747 Excellent good, i’ faith!
TOBY 0748 Good, good.
0749 What is love? ’Tis not hereafter.
0750 Present mirth hath present laughter.
0751 50 What’s to come is still unsure.
0752 In delay there lies no plenty,
0753 Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty.
0754 Youth’s a stuff will not endure.
ANDREW 0755 A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
TOBY 0756 55A contagious breath.
ANDREW 0757 Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.
TOBY 0758 To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
0759 But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall
0760 we rouse the night owl in a catch that will draw
0761 60 three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?
FOOL 0764 By ’r Lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
ANDREW 0765 Most certain. Let our catch be “Thou
0766 65 Knave.”
FOOL 0767 “Hold thy peace, thou knave,” knight? I shall be
0768 constrained in ’t to call thee “knave,” knight.
ANDREW 0769 ’Tis not the first time I have constrained one
0770 to call me “knave.” Begin, Fool. It begins “Hold
0771 70 thy peace.”
FOOL 0772 I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
ANDREW 0773 Good, i’ faith. Come, begin.Catch sung.
MARIA 0774 What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my
0775 lady have not called up her steward Malvolio and
0776 75 bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.
TOBY 0777 My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s
0778 a Peg-a-Ramsey, and ⌜Sings.⌝ Three merry men be
0779 we. Am not I consanguineous? Am I not of her
0780 blood? Tillyvally! “Lady”! ⌜Sings.⌝ There dwelt a man
0781 80 in Babylon, lady, lady.
FOOL 0782 Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.
ANDREW 0783 Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed,
0784 and so do I, too. He does it with a better grace, but
0785 I do it more natural.
TOBY ⌜sings⌝ 0786 85O’ the twelfth day of December—
MARIA 0787 For the love o’ God, peace!
MALVOLIO 0788 My masters, are you mad? Or what are you?
0789 Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty but to
0790 gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do you
0791 90 make an ale-house of my lady’s house, that you
0792 squeak out your coziers’ catches without any mitigation
0793 or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of
0794 place, persons, nor time in you?
MALVOLIO 0796 95Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady
0797 bade me tell you that, though she harbors you as her
0798 kinsman, she’s nothing allied to your disorders. If
0799 you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors,
0800 you are welcome to the house; if not, an it would
0801 100 please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to
0802 bid you farewell.
0803 Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.
MARIA 0804 Nay, good Sir Toby.
0805 His eyes do show his days are almost done.
MALVOLIO 0806 105Is ’t even so?
0807 But I will never die.
0808 Sir Toby, there you lie.
MALVOLIO 0809 This is much credit to you.
0810 Shall I bid him go?
0811 110 What an if you do?
0812 Shall I bid him go, and spare not?
0813 O no, no, no, no, you dare not.
TOBY 0814 Out o’ tune, sir? You lie. Art any more than a
0815 steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous,
0816 115 there shall be no more cakes and ale?
FOOL 0817 Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ th’
0818 mouth, too.
TOBY 0819 Thou ’rt i’ th’ right.—Go, sir, rub your chain
0820 with crumbs.—A stoup of wine, Maria!
MALVOLIO 0821 120Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favor
0822 at anything more than contempt, you would not give
0824 this hand.He exits.
MARIA 0825 Go shake your ears!
ANDREW 0826 125’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a
0827 man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field and
0828 then to break promise with him and make a fool of
TOBY 0830 Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll
0831 130 deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
MARIA 0832 Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the
0833 youth of the Count’s was today with my lady, she is
0834 much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me
0835 alone with him. If I do not gull him into ⌜a nayword⌝
0836 135 and make him a common recreation, do not think I
0837 have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I
0838 can do it.
TOBY 0839 Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.
MARIA 0840 Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.
ANDREW 0841 140O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog!
TOBY 0842 What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason,
0843 dear knight?
ANDREW 0844 I have no exquisite reason for ’t, but I have
0845 reason good enough.
MARIA 0846 145The devil a puritan that he is, or anything
0847 constantly but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass
0848 that cons state without book and utters it by great
0849 swaths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed,
0850 as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is his grounds
0851 150 of faith that all that look on him love him. And on
0852 that vice in him will my revenge find notable cause
0853 to work.
TOBY 0854 What wilt thou do?
MARIA 0855 I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
0856 155 love, wherein by the color of his beard, the shape of
0857 his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his
0858 eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself
0860 lady your niece; on a forgotten matter, we can
0861 160 hardly make distinction of our hands.
TOBY 0862 Excellent! I smell a device.
ANDREW 0863 I have ’t in my nose, too.
TOBY 0864 He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
0865 that they come from my niece, and that she’s in
0866 165 love with him.
MARIA 0867 My purpose is indeed a horse of that color.
ANDREW 0868 And your horse now would make him an ass.
MARIA 0869 Ass, I doubt not.
ANDREW 0870 O, ’twill be admirable!
MARIA 0871 170Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic
0872 will work with him. I will plant you two, and let the
0873 Fool make a third, where he shall find the letter.
0874 Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed,
0875 and dream on the event. Farewell.
TOBY 0876 175Good night, Penthesilea.She exits.
ANDREW 0877 Before me, she’s a good wench.
TOBY 0878 She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores
0879 me. What o’ that?
ANDREW 0880 I was adored once, too.
TOBY 0881 180Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
0882 more money.
ANDREW 0883 If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way
TOBY 0885 Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i’
0886 185 th’ end, call me “Cut.”
ANDREW 0887 If I do not, never trust me, take it how you
TOBY 0889 Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack. ’Tis too
0890 late to go to bed now. Come, knight; come, knight.
0891 Give me some music. ⌜Music plays.⌝ Now, good
0892 morrow, friends.—
0893 Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,
0894 That old and antique song we heard last night.
0895 5 Methought it did relieve my passion much,
0896 More than light airs and recollected terms
0897 Of these most brisk and giddy-pacèd times.
0898 Come, but one verse.
CURIO 0899 He is not here, so please your Lordship, that
0900 10 should sing it.
ORSINO 0901 Who was it?
CURIO 0902 Feste the jester, my lord, a Fool that the Lady
0903 Olivia’s father took much delight in. He is about
0904 the house.
0905 15 Seek him out ⌜Curio exits,⌝ and play the tune the
0906 while.Music plays.
0907 ⌜To Viola.⌝ Come hither, boy. If ever thou shalt love,
0908 In the sweet pangs of it remember me,
0909 For such as I am, all true lovers are,
0910 20 Unstaid and skittish in all motions else
0911 Save in the constant image of the creature
0912 That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune?
0913 It gives a very echo to the seat
0914 Where love is throned.
ORSINO 0915 25 Thou dost speak masterly.
0916 My life upon ’t, young though thou art, thine eye
0917 Hath stayed upon some favor that it loves.
0918 Hath it not, boy?
VIOLA 0919 A little, by your favor.
0920 30 What kind of woman is ’t?
VIOLA 0921 Of your complexion.
0922 She is not worth thee, then. What years, i’ faith?
VIOLA 0923 About your years, my lord.
0924 Too old, by heaven. Let still the woman take
0925 35 An elder than herself. So wears she to him;
0926 So sways she level in her husband’s heart.
0927 For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,
0928 Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,
0929 More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,
0930 40 Than women’s are.
VIOLA 0931 I think it well, my lord.
0932 Then let thy love be younger than thyself,
0933 Or thy affection cannot hold the bent.
0934 For women are as roses, whose fair flower,
0935 45 Being once displayed, doth fall that very hour.
0936 And so they are. Alas, that they are so,
0937 To die even when they to perfection grow!
Enter Curio and ⌜Feste, the Fool.⌝
0938 O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.—
0939 Mark it, Cesario. It is old and plain;
0940 50 The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
0941 And the free maids that weave their thread with
0943 Do use to chant it. It is silly sooth,
0944 And dallies with the innocence of love
0945 55 Like the old age.
FOOL 0946 Are you ready, sir?
ORSINO 0947 Ay, prithee, sing.Music.
0948 Come away, come away, death,
0949 And in sad cypress let me be laid.
0950 60 ⌜Fly⌝ away, ⌜fly⌝ away, breath,
0951 I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
0952 My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
0953 O, prepare it!
0954 My part of death, no one so true
0955 65 Did share it.
0956 Not a flower, not a flower sweet
0957 On my black coffin let there be strown;
0958 Not a friend, not a friend greet
0959 My poor corpse where my bones shall be thrown.
0960 70 A thousand thousand sighs to save,
0961 Lay me, O, where
0962 Sad true lover never find my grave
0963 To weep there.
ORSINO, ⌜giving money⌝ 0964 There’s for thy pains.
FOOL 0965 75No pains, sir. I take pleasure in singing, sir.
ORSINO 0966 I’ll pay thy pleasure, then.
FOOL 0967 Truly sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or
ORSINO 0969 Give me now leave to leave thee.
FOOL 0970 80Now the melancholy god protect thee and the
0971 tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for thy
0972 mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
0973 constancy put to sea, that their business might be
0974 everything and their intent everywhere, for that’s it
0975 85 that always makes a good voyage of nothing.
0976 Farewell.He exits.
0977 Let all the rest give place.
⌜All but Orsino and Viola exit.⌝
0978 Once more, Cesario,
0980 90 Tell her my love, more noble than the world,
0981 Prizes not quantity of dirty lands.
0982 The parts that Fortune hath bestowed upon her,
0983 Tell her, I hold as giddily as Fortune.
0984 But ’tis that miracle and queen of gems
0985 95 That nature pranks her in attracts my soul.
VIOLA 0986 But if she cannot love you, sir—
0987 ⌜I⌝ cannot be so answered.
VIOLA 0988 Sooth, but you must.
0989 Say that some lady, as perhaps there is,
0990 100 Hath for your love as great a pang of heart
0991 As you have for Olivia. You cannot love her;
0992 You tell her so. Must she not then be answered?
ORSINO 0993 There is no woman’s sides
0994 Can bide the beating of so strong a passion
0995 105 As love doth give my heart; no woman’s heart
0996 So big, to hold so much; they lack retention.
0997 Alas, their love may be called appetite,
0998 No motion of the liver but the palate,
0999 That suffer surfeit, cloyment, and revolt;
1000 110 But mine is all as hungry as the sea,
1001 And can digest as much. Make no compare
1002 Between that love a woman can bear me
1003 And that I owe Olivia.
VIOLA 1004 Ay, but I know—
ORSINO 1005 115What dost thou know?
1006 Too well what love women to men may owe.
1007 In faith, they are as true of heart as we.
1008 My father had a daughter loved a man
1009 As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,
1010 120 I should your Lordship.
ORSINO 1011 And what’s her history?
1012 A blank, my lord. She never told her love,
1013 But let concealment, like a worm i’ th’ bud,
1014 Feed on her damask cheek. She pined in thought,
1015 125 And with a green and yellow melancholy
1016 She sat like Patience on a monument,
1017 Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?
1018 We men may say more, swear more, but indeed
1019 Our shows are more than will; for still we prove
1020 130 Much in our vows but little in our love.
1021 But died thy sister of her love, my boy?
1022 I am all the daughters of my father’s house,
1023 And all the brothers, too—and yet I know not.
1024 Sir, shall I to this lady?
ORSINO 1025 135 Ay, that’s the theme.
1026 To her in haste. Give her this jewel. Say
1027 My love can give no place, bide no denay.
⌜He hands her a jewel and⌝ they exit.
TOBY 1028 Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.
FABIAN 1029 Nay, I’ll come. If I lose a scruple of this sport,
1030 let me be boiled to death with melancholy.
TOBY 1031 Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
1032 5 rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?
FABIAN 1033 I would exult, man. You know he brought me
1034 out o’ favor with my lady about a bearbaiting here.
TOBY 1035 To anger him, we’ll have the bear again, and we
1036 will fool him black and blue, shall we not, Sir
1037 10 Andrew?
ANDREW 1038 An we do not, it is pity of our lives.
TOBY 1039 Here comes the little villain.—How now, my
1040 metal of India?
MARIA 1041 Get you all three into the boxtree. Malvolio’s
1042 15 coming down this walk. He has been yonder i’ the
1043 sun practicing behavior to his own shadow this half
1044 hour. Observe him, for the love of mockery, for I
1045 know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of
1046 him. Close, in the name of jesting! ⌜They hide.⌝ Lie
1047 20 thou there ⌜putting down the letter,⌝ for here comes
1048 the trout that must be caught with tickling.
MALVOLIO 1049 ’Tis but fortune, all is fortune. Maria once
1050 told me she did affect me, and I have heard herself
1051 come thus near, that should she fancy, it should be
1052 25 one of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a
1053 more exalted respect than anyone else that follows
1054 her. What should I think on ’t?
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1055 Here’s an overweening rogue.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1056 O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare
1057 30 turkeycock of him. How he jets under his advanced
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1059 ’Slight, I could so beat the rogue!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1060 Peace, I say.
MALVOLIO 1061 To be Count Malvolio.
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1062 35Ah, rogue!
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1063 Pistol him, pistol him!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1064 Peace, peace!
MALVOLIO 1065 There is example for ’t. The lady of the
1066 Strachy married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1067 40Fie on him, Jezebel!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1068 O, peace, now he’s deeply in. Look how
1069 imagination blows him.
1071 sitting in my state—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1072 45O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!
MALVOLIO 1073 Calling my officers about me, in my
1074 branched velvet gown, having come from a daybed
1075 where I have left Olivia sleeping—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1076 Fire and brimstone!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1077 50O, peace, peace!
MALVOLIO 1078 And then to have the humor of state; and
1079 after a demure travel of regard, telling them I
1080 know my place, as I would they should do theirs, to
1081 ask for my kinsman Toby—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1082 55Bolts and shackles!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1083 O, peace, peace, peace! Now, now.
MALVOLIO 1084 Seven of my people, with an obedient start,
1085 make out for him. I frown the while, and perchance
1086 wind up my watch, or play with my—some
1087 60 rich jewel. Toby approaches; curtsies there to me—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1088 Shall this fellow live?
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1089 Though our silence be drawn from us
1090 with cars, yet peace!
MALVOLIO 1091 I extend my hand to him thus, quenching
1092 65 my familiar smile with an austere regard of
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1094 And does not Toby take you a blow o’ the
1095 lips then?
MALVOLIO 1096 Saying, “Cousin Toby, my fortunes, having
1097 70 cast me on your niece, give me this prerogative of
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1099 What, what?
MALVOLIO 1100 “You must amend your drunkenness.”
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1101 Out, scab!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1102 75Nay, patience, or we break the sinews
1103 of our plot!
MALVOLIO 1104 “Besides, you waste the treasure of your
1105 time with a foolish knight—”
MALVOLIO 1107 80“One Sir Andrew.”
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1108 I knew ’twas I, for many do call me
MALVOLIO, ⌜seeing the letter⌝ 1110 What employment have
1111 we here?
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1112 85Now is the woodcock near the gin.
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1113 O, peace, and the spirit of humors intimate
1114 reading aloud to him.
MALVOLIO, ⌜taking up the letter⌝ 1115 By my life, this is my
1116 lady’s hand! These be her very c’s, her u’s, and her
1117 90 t’s, and thus she makes her great P’s. It is in
1118 contempt of question her hand.
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1119 Her c’s, her u’s, and her t’s. Why that?
MALVOLIO ⌜reads⌝ 1120 To the unknown beloved, this, and my
1121 good wishes—Her very phrases! By your leave, wax.
1122 95 Soft. And the impressure her Lucrece, with which
1123 she uses to seal—’tis my lady! ⌜He opens the letter.⌝
1124 To whom should this be?
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1125 This wins him, liver and all.
1126 Jove knows I love,
1127 100 But who?
1128 Lips, do not move;
1129 No man must know.
1130 “No man must know.” What follows? The numbers
1131 altered. “No man must know.” If this should be
1132 105 thee, Malvolio!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1133 Marry, hang thee, brock!
1134 I may command where I adore,
1135 But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
1136 With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore;
1137 110 M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1138 A fustian riddle!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1139 Excellent wench, say I.
1141 let me see, let me see, let me see.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1142 115What dish o’ poison has she dressed
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1144 And with what wing the ⌜staniel⌝ checks
1145 at it!
MALVOLIO 1146 “I may command where I adore.” Why, she
1147 120 may command me; I serve her; she is my lady. Why,
1148 this is evident to any formal capacity. There is no
1149 obstruction in this. And the end—what should that
1150 alphabetical position portend? If I could make that
1151 resemble something in me! Softly! “M.O.A.I.”—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1152 125O, ay, make up that.—He is now at a cold
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1154 Sowter will cry upon ’t for all this,
1155 though it be as rank as a fox.
MALVOLIO 1156 “M”—Malvolio. “M”—why, that begins
1157 130 my name!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1158 Did not I say he would work it out? The
1159 cur is excellent at faults.
MALVOLIO 1160 “M.” But then there is no consonancy in
1161 the sequel that suffers under probation. “A” should
1162 135 follow, but “O” does.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1163 And “O” shall end, I hope.
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1164 Ay, or I’ll cudgel him and make him cry
MALVOLIO 1166 And then “I” comes behind.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1167 140Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you
1168 might see more detraction at your heels than fortunes
1169 before you.
MALVOLIO 1170 “M.O.A.I.” This simulation is not as the
1171 former, and yet to crush this a little, it would bow
1172 145 to me, for every one of these letters are in my name.
1173 Soft, here follows prose.
1174 ⌜He reads.⌝ If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my
1175 stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness.
1177 150 some have greatness thrust upon ’em. Thy fates open
1178 their hands. Let thy blood and spirit embrace them.
1179 And, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast
1180 thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be opposite with
1181 a kinsman, surly with servants. Let thy tongue tang
1182 155 arguments of state. Put thyself into the trick of singularity.
1183 She thus advises thee that sighs for thee.
1184 Remember who commended thy yellow stockings and
1185 wished to see thee ever cross-gartered. I say, remember.
1186 Go to, thou art made, if thou desir’st to be so. If
1187 160 not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of
1188 servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune’s fingers.
1189 Farewell. She that would alter services with thee,
1190 The Fortunate-Unhappy.
1191 Daylight and champian discovers not more! This is
1192 165 open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I
1193 will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance,
1194 I will be point-devise the very man. I do not
1195 now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for
1196 every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me.
1197 170 She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she
1198 did praise my leg being cross-gartered, and in this
1199 she manifests herself to my love and, with a kind of
1200 injunction, drives me to these habits of her liking. I
1201 thank my stars, I am happy. I will be strange, stout,
1202 175 in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with
1203 the swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be
1204 praised! Here is yet a postscript.
1205 ⌜He reads.⌝ Thou canst not choose but know who I
1206 am. If thou entertain’st my love, let it appear in thy
1207 180 smiling; thy smiles become thee well. Therefore in my
1208 presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.
1209 Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything
1210 that thou wilt have me.He exits.
1212 185 pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
TOBY 1213 I could marry this wench for this device.
ANDREW 1214 So could I too.
TOBY 1215 And ask no other dowry with her but such
1216 another jest.
ANDREW 1217 190Nor I neither.
FABIAN 1218 Here comes my noble gull-catcher.
TOBY 1219 Wilt thou set thy foot o’ my neck?
ANDREW 1220 Or o’ mine either?
TOBY 1221 Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip and become
1222 195 thy bondslave?
ANDREW 1223 I’ faith, or I either?
TOBY 1224 Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that
1225 when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
MARIA 1226 Nay, but say true, does it work upon him?
TOBY 1227 200Like aqua vitae with a midwife.
MARIA 1228 If you will then see the fruits of the sport,
1229 mark his first approach before my lady. He will
1230 come to her in yellow stockings, and ’tis a color
1231 she abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
1232 205 and he will smile upon her, which will now
1233 be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted
1234 to a melancholy as she is, that it cannot
1235 but turn him into a notable contempt. If you will
1236 see it, follow me.
TOBY 1237 210To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil
1238 of wit!
ANDREW 1239 I’ll make one, too.
VIOLA 1240 Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live
1241 by thy tabor?
FOOL 1242 No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA 1243 Art thou a churchman?
FOOL 1244 5No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I
1245 do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the
VIOLA 1247 So thou mayst say the ⌜king⌝ lies by a beggar if a
1248 beggar dwell near him, or the church stands by thy
1249 10 tabor if thy tabor stand by the church.
FOOL 1250 You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
1251 but a chev’ril glove to a good wit. How quickly the
1252 wrong side may be turned outward!
VIOLA 1253 Nay, that’s certain. They that dally nicely with
1254 15 words may quickly make them wanton.
FOOL 1255 I would therefore my sister had had no name,
VIOLA 1257 Why, man?
FOOL 1258 Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with
1259 20 that word might make my sister wanton. But,
1260 indeed, words are very rascals since bonds disgraced
VIOLA 1262 Thy reason, man?
1264 25 and words are grown so false I am loath to prove
1265 reason with them.
VIOLA 1266 I warrant thou art a merry fellow and car’st for
FOOL 1268 Not so, sir. I do care for something. But in my
1269 30 conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to
1270 care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you
VIOLA 1272 Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s Fool?
FOOL 1273 No, indeed, sir. The Lady Olivia has no folly. She
1274 35 will keep no Fool, sir, till she be married, and Fools
1275 are as like husbands as pilchers are to herrings: the
1276 husband’s the bigger. I am indeed not her Fool but
1277 her corrupter of words.
VIOLA 1278 I saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.
FOOL 1279 40Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the
1280 sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but
1281 the Fool should be as oft with your master as with
1282 my mistress. I think I saw your Wisdom there.
VIOLA 1283 Nay, an thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with
1284 45 thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee. ⌜Giving a
FOOL 1285 Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send
1286 thee a beard!
VIOLA 1287 By my troth I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for
1288 one, ⌜aside⌝ though I would not have it grow on my
1289 50 chin.—Is thy lady within?
FOOL 1290 Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
VIOLA 1291 Yes, being kept together and put to use.
FOOL 1292 I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to
1293 bring a Cressida to this Troilus.
VIOLA 1294 55I understand you, sir. ’Tis well begged. ⌜Giving
FOOL 1295 The matter I hope is not great, sir, begging but a
1296 beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir.
1298 are and what you would are out of my welkin—I
1299 60 might say “element,” but the word is overworn.
1300 This fellow is wise enough to play the Fool,
1301 And to do that well craves a kind of wit.
1302 He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
1303 The quality of persons, and the time,
1304 65 And, like the haggard, check at every feather
1305 That comes before his eye. This is a practice
1306 As full of labor as a wise man’s art:
1307 For folly that he wisely shows is fit;
1308 But ⌜wise men,⌝ folly-fall’n, quite taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.
TOBY 1309 70Save you, gentleman.
VIOLA 1310 And you, sir.
ANDREW 1311 Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
VIOLA 1312 Et vous aussi. Votre serviteur!
ANDREW 1313 I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.
TOBY 1314 75Will you encounter the house? My niece is
1315 desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.
VIOLA 1316 I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
1317 list of my voyage.
TOBY 1318 Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
VIOLA 1319 80My legs do better understand me, sir, than I
1320 understand what you mean by bidding me taste my
TOBY 1322 I mean, to go, sir, to enter.
VIOLA 1323 I will answer you with gait and entrance—but
1324 85 we are prevented.
Enter Olivia, and ⌜Maria, her⌝ Gentlewoman.
1325 Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
1326 odors on you!
1328 odors,” well.
VIOLA 1329 90My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own
1330 most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1331 “Odors,” “pregnant,” and “vouchsafed.”
1332 I’ll get ’em all three all ready.
OLIVIA 1333 Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to
1334 95 my hearing.⌜Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Maria exit.⌝
1335 Give me your hand, sir.
1336 My duty, madam, and most humble service.
OLIVIA 1337 What is your name?
1338 Cesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.
1339 100 My servant, sir? ’Twas never merry world
1340 Since lowly feigning was called compliment.
1341 You’re servant to the Count Orsino, youth.
1342 And he is yours, and his must needs be yours.
1343 Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.
1344 105 For him, I think not on him. For his thoughts,
1345 Would they were blanks rather than filled with me.
1346 Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
1347 On his behalf.
OLIVIA 1348 O, by your leave, I pray you.
1349 110 I bade you never speak again of him.
1350 But would you undertake another suit,
1351 I had rather hear you to solicit that
1352 Than music from the spheres.
VIOLA 1353 Dear lady—
1354 115 Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,
1355 After the last enchantment you did here,
1357 Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you.
1358 Under your hard construction must I sit,
1359 120 To force that on you in a shameful cunning
1360 Which you knew none of yours. What might you
1362 Have you not set mine honor at the stake
1363 And baited it with all th’ unmuzzled thoughts
1364 125 That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your
1366 Enough is shown. A cypress, not a bosom,
1367 Hides my heart. So, let me hear you speak.
1368 I pity you.
OLIVIA 1369 130 That’s a degree to love.
1370 No, not a grize, for ’tis a vulgar proof
1371 That very oft we pity enemies.
1372 Why then methinks ’tis time to smile again.
1373 O world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
1374 135 If one should be a prey, how much the better
1375 To fall before the lion than the wolf.Clock strikes.
1376 The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
1377 Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you.
1378 And yet when wit and youth is come to harvest,
1379 140 Your wife is like to reap a proper man.
1380 There lies your way, due west.
VIOLA 1381 Then westward ho!
1382 Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship.
1383 You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?
1384 145 Stay. I prithee, tell me what thou think’st of me.
1385 That you do think you are not what you are.
1386 If I think so, I think the same of you.
1387 Then think you right. I am not what I am.
1388 I would you were as I would have you be.
1389 150 Would it be better, madam, than I am?
1390 I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
1391 O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
1392 In the contempt and anger of his lip!
1393 A murd’rous guilt shows not itself more soon
1394 155 Than love that would seem hid. Love’s night is
1396 Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
1397 By maidhood, honor, truth, and everything,
1398 I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
1399 160 Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
1400 Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
1401 For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause;
1402 But rather reason thus with reason fetter:
1403 Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
1404 165 By innocence I swear, and by my youth,
1405 I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth,
1406 And that no woman has, nor never none
1407 Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
1408 And so adieu, good madam. Nevermore
1409 170 Will I my master’s tears to you deplore.
1410 Yet come again, for thou perhaps mayst move
1411 That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.
They exit ⌜in different directions.⌝
ANDREW 1412 No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.
TOBY 1413 Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
FABIAN 1414 You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
ANDREW 1415 Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the
1416 5 Count’s servingman than ever she bestowed upon
1417 me. I saw ’t i’ th’ orchard.
TOBY 1418 Did she see ⌜thee⌝ the while, old boy? Tell me
ANDREW 1420 As plain as I see you now.
FABIAN 1421 10This was a great argument of love in her toward
ANDREW 1423 ’Slight, will you make an ass o’ me?
FABIAN 1424 I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
1425 judgment and reason.
TOBY 1426 15And they have been grand-jurymen since before
1427 Noah was a sailor.
FABIAN 1428 She did show favor to the youth in your sight
1429 only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse
1430 valor, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in
1431 20 your liver. You should then have accosted her, and
1432 with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint,
1433 you should have banged the youth into dumbness.
1434 This was looked for at your hand, and this was
1435 balked. The double gilt of this opportunity you let
1436 25 time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north
1437 of my lady’s opinion, where you will hang like an
1438 icicle on a Dutchman’s beard, unless you do redeem
1439 it by some laudable attempt either of valor or
ANDREW 1441 30An ’t be any way, it must be with valor, for
1442 policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a
TOBY 1444 Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis
1446 35 with him. Hurt him in eleven places. My niece shall
1447 take note of it, and assure thyself there is no
1448 love-broker in the world can more prevail in man’s
1449 commendation with woman than report of valor.
FABIAN 1450 There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
ANDREW 1451 40Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
TOBY 1452 Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and
1453 brief. It is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent
1454 and full of invention. Taunt him with the license of
1455 ink. If thou “thou”-est him some thrice, it shall not
1456 45 be amiss, and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
1457 paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
1458 bed of Ware in England, set ’em down. Go, about it.
1459 Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
1460 write with a goose-pen, no matter. About it.
ANDREW 1461 50Where shall I find you?
TOBY 1462 We’ll call thee at the cubiculo. Go.
Sir Andrew exits.
FABIAN 1463 This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
TOBY 1464 I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
1465 strong or so.
FABIAN 1466 55We shall have a rare letter from him. But you’ll
1467 not deliver ’t?
TOBY 1468 Never trust me, then. And by all means stir on
1469 the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
1470 cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
1471 60 opened and you find so much blood in his liver as
1472 will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat the rest of th’
FABIAN 1474 And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage
1475 no great presage of cruelty.
TOBY 1476 65Look where the youngest wren of mine comes.
MARIA 1477 If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves
1479 turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no
1480 Christian that means to be saved by believing rightly
1481 70 can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness.
1482 He’s in yellow stockings.
TOBY 1483 And cross-gartered?
MARIA 1484 Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a
1485 school i’ th’ church. I have dogged him like his
1486 75 murderer. He does obey every point of the letter
1487 that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face
1488 into more lines than is in the new map with the
1489 augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such
1490 a thing as ’tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at
1491 80 him. I know my lady will strike him. If she do, he’ll
1492 smile and take ’t for a great favor.
TOBY 1493 Come, bring us, bring us where he is.
They all exit.
1494 I would not by my will have troubled you,
1495 But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,
1496 I will no further chide you.
1497 I could not stay behind you. My desire,
1498 5 More sharp than filèd steel, did spur me forth;
1499 And not all love to see you, though so much
1500 As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,
1501 But jealousy what might befall your travel,
1502 Being skill-less in these parts, which to a stranger,
1503 10 Unguided and unfriended, often prove
1504 Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,
1505 The rather by these arguments of fear,
1506 Set forth in your pursuit.
1508 15 I can no other answer make but thanks,
1509 And thanks, and ever ⌜thanks; and⌝ oft good turns
1510 Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay.
1511 But were my worth, as is my conscience, firm,
1512 You should find better dealing. What’s to do?
1513 20 Shall we go see the relics of this town?
1514 Tomorrow, sir. Best first go see your lodging.
1515 I am not weary, and ’tis long to night.
1516 I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes
1517 With the memorials and the things of fame
1518 25 That do renown this city.
ANTONIO 1519 Would you’d pardon me.
1520 I do not without danger walk these streets.
1521 Once in a sea fight ’gainst the Count his galleys
1522 I did some service, of such note indeed
1523 30 That were I ta’en here it would scarce be answered.
1524 Belike you slew great number of his people?
1525 Th’ offense is not of such a bloody nature,
1526 Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel
1527 Might well have given us bloody argument.
1528 35 It might have since been answered in repaying
1529 What we took from them, which, for traffic’s sake,
1530 Most of our city did. Only myself stood out,
1531 For which, if I be lapsèd in this place,
1532 I shall pay dear.
SEBASTIAN 1533 40 Do not then walk too open.
1534 It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here’s my purse.
⌜Giving him money.⌝
1535 In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,
1536 Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet
1538 45 knowledge
1539 With viewing of the town. There shall you have me.
SEBASTIAN 1540 Why I your purse?
1541 Haply your eye shall light upon some toy
1542 You have desire to purchase, and your store,
1543 50 I think, is not for idle markets, sir.
1544 I’ll be your purse-bearer and leave you
1545 For an hour.
ANTONIO 1546 To th’ Elephant.
SEBASTIAN 1547 I do remember.
They exit ⌜in different directions.⌝
1548 I have sent after him. He says he’ll come.
1549 How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
1550 For youth is bought more oft than begged or
1552 5 I speak too loud.—
1553 Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil
1554 And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.
1555 Where is Malvolio?
MARIA 1556 He’s coming, madam, but in very strange manner.
1557 10 He is sure possessed, madam.
OLIVIA 1558 Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave?
MARIA 1559 No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your
1560 Ladyship were best to have some guard about you if
1561 he come, for sure the man is tainted in ’s wits.
1562 15 Go call him hither. ⌜Maria exits.⌝ I am as mad as he,
1563 If sad and merry madness equal be.
1564 How now, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 1565 Sweet lady, ho, ho!
OLIVIA 1566 Smil’st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad
1567 20 occasion.
MALVOLIO 1568 Sad, lady? I could be sad. This does make
1569 some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering,
1570 but what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is
1571 with me as the very true sonnet is: “Please one, and
1572 25 please all.”
⌜OLIVIA⌝ 1573 Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter
1574 with thee?
MALVOLIO 1575 Not black in my mind, though yellow in my
1576 legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall
1577 30 be executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman
OLIVIA 1579 Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 1580 To bed? “Ay, sweetheart, and I’ll come to
OLIVIA 1582 35God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and
1583 kiss thy hand so oft?
MARIA 1584 How do you, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 1585 At your request? Yes, nightingales answer
MARIA 1587 40Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness
1588 before my lady?
MALVOLIO 1589 “Be not afraid of greatness.” ’Twas well
OLIVIA 1591 What mean’st thou by that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 1592 45“Some are born great—”
OLIVIA 1593 Ha?
MALVOLIO 1594 “Some achieve greatness—”
OLIVIA 1595 What sayst thou?
MALVOLIO 1596 “And some have greatness thrust upon
1597 50 them.”
MALVOLIO 1599 “Remember who commended thy yellow
OLIVIA 1601 Thy yellow stockings?
MALVOLIO 1602 55“And wished to see thee cross-gartered.”
OLIVIA 1603 Cross-gartered?
MALVOLIO 1604 “Go to, thou art made, if thou desir’st to be
OLIVIA 1606 Am I made?
MALVOLIO 1607 60“If not, let me see thee a servant still.”
OLIVIA 1608 Why, this is very midsummer madness!
SERVANT 1609 Madam, the young gentleman of the Count
1610 Orsino’s is returned. I could hardly entreat him
1611 back. He attends your Ladyship’s pleasure.
OLIVIA 1612 65I’ll come to him. ⌜Servant exits.⌝ Good Maria, let
1613 this fellow be looked to. Where’s my Cousin Toby?
1614 Let some of my people have a special care of him. I
1615 would not have him miscarry for the half of my
⌜Olivia and Maria⌝ exit ⌜in different directions.⌝
MALVOLIO 1617 70O ho, do you come near me now? No worse
1618 man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs
1619 directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose
1620 that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites
1621 me to that in the letter: “Cast thy humble slough,”
1622 75 says she. “Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with
1623 servants; let thy tongue ⌜tang⌝ with arguments of
1624 state; put thyself into the trick of singularity,” and
1625 consequently sets down the manner how: as, a sad
1626 face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit
1627 80 of some Sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her,
1628 but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful!
1629 And when she went away now, “Let this fellow be
1630 looked to.” “Fellow!” Not “Malvolio,” nor after my
1632 85 that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a
1633 scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe
1634 circumstance—what can be said? Nothing that can
1635 be can come between me and the full prospect of
1636 my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and
1637 90 he is to be thanked.
Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.
TOBY 1638 Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
1639 the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
1640 himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.
FABIAN 1641 Here he is, here he is.—How is ’t with you, sir?
1642 95 How is ’t with you, man?
MALVOLIO 1643 Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my
1644 private. Go off.
MARIA, ⌜to Toby⌝ 1645 Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks
1646 within him! Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady
1647 100 prays you to have a care of him.
MALVOLIO 1648 Aha, does she so?
TOBY, ⌜to Fabian and Maria⌝ 1649 Go to, go to! Peace, peace.
1650 We must deal gently with him. Let me alone.—How
1651 do you, Malvolio? How is ’t with you? What, man,
1652 105 defy the devil! Consider, he’s an enemy to mankind.
MALVOLIO 1653 Do you know what you say?
MARIA, ⌜to Toby⌝ 1654 La you, an you speak ill of the devil,
1655 how he takes it at heart! Pray God he be not
FABIAN 1657 110Carry his water to th’ wisewoman.
MARIA 1658 Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning
1659 if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than
1660 I’ll say.
MALVOLIO 1661 How now, mistress?
MARIA 1662 115O Lord!
TOBY 1663 Prithee, hold thy peace. This is not the way. Do
1664 you not see you move him? Let me alone with
1667 120 fiend is rough and will not be roughly used.
TOBY, ⌜to Malvolio⌝ 1668 Why, how now, my bawcock? How
1669 dost thou, chuck?
MALVOLIO 1670 Sir!
TOBY 1671 Ay, biddy, come with me.—What, man, ’tis not
1672 125 for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang
1673 him, foul collier!
MARIA 1674 Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby; get
1675 him to pray.
MALVOLIO 1676 My prayers, minx?
MARIA, ⌜to Toby⌝ 1677 130No, I warrant you, he will not hear of
MALVOLIO 1679 Go hang yourselves all! You are idle, shallow
1680 things. I am not of your element. You shall
1681 know more hereafter.He exits.
TOBY 1682 135Is ’t possible?
FABIAN 1683 If this were played upon a stage now, I could
1684 condemn it as an improbable fiction.
TOBY 1685 His very genius hath taken the infection of the
1686 device, man.
MARIA 1687 140Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air
1688 and taint.
FABIAN 1689 Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
MARIA 1690 The house will be the quieter.
TOBY 1691 Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and
1692 145 bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s
1693 mad. We may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his
1694 penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath,
1695 prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we
1696 will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
1697 150 finder of madmen. But see, but see!
Enter Sir Andrew.
FABIAN 1698 More matter for a May morning.
ANDREW, ⌜presenting a paper⌝ 1699 Here’s the challenge.
1700 Read it. I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in ’t.
ANDREW 1702 155Ay, is ’t. I warrant him. Do but read.
TOBY 1703 Give me. ⌜He reads.⌝ Youth, whatsoever thou art,
1704 thou art but a scurvy fellow.
FABIAN 1705 Good, and valiant.
TOBY ⌜reads⌝ 1706 Wonder not nor admire not in thy mind
1707 160 why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason
1708 for ’t.
FABIAN 1709 A good note, that keeps you from the blow of
1710 the law.
TOBY ⌜reads⌝ 1711 Thou com’st to the Lady Olivia, and in my
1712 165 sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat;
1713 that is not the matter I challenge thee for.
FABIAN 1714 Very brief, and to exceeding good sense—less.
TOBY ⌜reads⌝ 1715 I will waylay thee going home, where if it be
1716 thy chance to kill me—
FABIAN 1717 170Good.
TOBY ⌜reads⌝ 1718 Thou kill’st me like a rogue and a villain.
FABIAN 1719 Still you keep o’ th’ windy side of the law.
TOBY ⌜reads⌝ 1721 Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon
1722 175 one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but
1723 my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as
1724 thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
1725 Andrew Aguecheek.
1726 If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I’ll
1727 180 give ’t him.
MARIA 1728 You may have very fit occasion for ’t. He is now
1729 in some commerce with my lady and will by and
1730 by depart.
TOBY 1731 Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner
1732 185 of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever
1733 thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw’st, swear
1734 horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath,
1735 with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives
1736 manhood more approbation than ever proof itself
1737 190 would have earned him. Away!
TOBY 1739 Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behavior
1740 of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
1741 capacity and breeding; his employment between
1742 195 his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore,
1743 this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed
1744 no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a
1745 clodpoll. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
1746 word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable
1747 200 report of valor, and drive the gentleman (as I know
1748 his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous
1749 opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This
1750 will so fright them both that they will kill one
1751 another by the look, like cockatrices.
Enter Olivia and Viola.
FABIAN 1752 205Here he comes with your niece. Give them
1753 way till he take leave, and presently after him.
TOBY 1754 I will meditate the while upon some horrid
1755 message for a challenge.
⌜Toby, Fabian, and Maria exit.⌝
1756 I have said too much unto a heart of stone
1757 210 And laid mine honor too unchary on ’t.
1758 There’s something in me that reproves my fault,
1759 But such a headstrong potent fault it is
1760 That it but mocks reproof.
1761 With the same ’havior that your passion bears
1762 215 Goes on my master’s griefs.
1763 Here, wear this jewel for me. ’Tis my picture.
1764 Refuse it not. It hath no tongue to vex you.
1765 And I beseech you come again tomorrow.
1766 What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny,
1767 220 That honor, saved, may upon asking give?
1768 Nothing but this: your true love for my master.
1769 How with mine honor may I give him that
1770 Which I have given to you?
VIOLA 1771 I will acquit you.
1772 225 Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well.
1773 A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
Enter Toby and Fabian.
TOBY 1774 Gentleman, God save thee.
VIOLA 1775 And you, sir.
TOBY 1776 That defense thou hast, betake thee to ’t. Of what
1777 230 nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
1778 not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
1779 the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount
1780 thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy
1781 assailant is quick, skillful, and deadly.
VIOLA 1782 235You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any
1783 quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and
1784 clear from any image of offense done to any man.
TOBY 1785 You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore,
1786 if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your
1787 240 guard, for your opposite hath in him what youth,
1788 strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal.
VIOLA 1789 I pray you, sir, what is he?
TOBY 1790 He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and
1791 on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private
1792 245 brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and
1793 his incensement at this moment is so implacable
1794 that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
1795 and sepulcher. “Hob, nob” is his word; “give ’t or
1796 take ’t.”
VIOLA 1797 250I will return again into the house and desire
1799 heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely
1800 on others to taste their valor. Belike this is a
1801 man of that quirk.
TOBY 1802 255Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very
1803 competent injury. Therefore get you on and give
1804 him his desire. Back you shall not to the house,
1805 unless you undertake that with me which with as
1806 much safety you might answer him. Therefore on,
1807 260 or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle you
1808 must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about
VIOLA 1810 This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do
1811 me this courteous office, as to know of the knight
1812 265 what my offense to him is. It is something of my
1813 negligence, nothing of my purpose.
TOBY 1814 I will do so.—Signior Fabian, stay you by this
1815 gentleman till my return.Toby exits.
VIOLA 1816 Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
FABIAN 1817 270I know the knight is incensed against you even
1818 to a mortal arbitrament, but nothing of the circumstance
VIOLA 1820 I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
FABIAN 1821 Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read
1822 275 him by his form, as you are like to find him in the
1823 proof of his valor. He is indeed, sir, the most skillful,
1824 bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly
1825 have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
1826 towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
1827 280 can.
VIOLA 1828 I shall be much bound to you for ’t. I am one
1829 that had rather go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight, I
1830 care not who knows so much of my mettle.
Enter Toby and Andrew.
1832 285 a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard,
1833 and all, and he gives me the stuck-in with such
1834 a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the
1835 answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hits the
1836 ground they step on. They say he has been fencer
1837 290 to the Sophy.
ANDREW 1838 Pox on ’t! I’ll not meddle with him.
TOBY 1839 Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can
1840 scarce hold him yonder.
ANDREW 1841 Plague on ’t! An I thought he had been
1842 295 valiant, and so cunning in fence, I’d have seen him
1843 damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let
1844 the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, gray
TOBY 1846 I’ll make the motion. Stand here, make a good
1847 300 show on ’t. This shall end without the perdition of
1848 souls. ⌜Aside.⌝ Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I
1849 ride you.
Enter Fabian and Viola.
⌜Toby crosses to meet them.⌝
1850 ⌜Aside to Fabian.⌝ I have his horse to take up the
1851 quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.
FABIAN, ⌜aside to Toby⌝ 1852 305He is as horribly conceited of
1853 him, and pants and looks pale as if a bear were at his
TOBY, ⌜to Viola⌝ 1855 There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight
1856 with you for ’s oath sake. Marry, he hath better
1857 310 bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
1858 scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for
1859 the supportance of his vow. He protests he will not
1860 hurt you.
VIOLA 1861 Pray God defend me! ⌜Aside.⌝ A little thing
1862 315 would make me tell them how much I lack of a
⌜Toby crosses to Andrew.⌝
TOBY 1865 Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy. The
1866 gentleman will, for his honor’s sake, have one bout
1867 320 with you. He cannot by the duello avoid it. But he
1868 has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier,
1869 he will not hurt you. Come on, to ’t.
ANDREW, ⌜drawing his sword⌝ 1870 Pray God he keep his
VIOLA, ⌜drawing her sword⌝
1872 325 I do assure you ’tis against my will.
ANTONIO, ⌜to Andrew⌝
1873 Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
1874 Have done offense, I take the fault on me.
1875 If you offend him, I for him defy you.
TOBY 1876 You, sir? Why, what are you?
ANTONIO, ⌜drawing his sword⌝
1877 330 One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
1878 Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
TOBY, ⌜drawing his sword⌝
1879 Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
FABIAN 1880 O, good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.
TOBY, ⌜to Antonio⌝ 1881 I’ll be with you anon.
VIOLA, ⌜to Andrew⌝ 1882 335Pray, sir, put your sword up, if
1883 you please.
ANDREW 1884 Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised
1885 you, I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you
1886 easily, and reins well.
FIRST OFFICER 1887 340This is the man. Do thy office.
SECOND OFFICER 1888 Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of
1889 Count Orsino.
ANTONIO 1890 You do mistake me, sir.
1891 No, sir, no jot. I know your favor well,
1892 345 Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.—
1893 Take him away. He knows I know him well.
1894 I must obey. ⌜To Viola.⌝ This comes with seeking
1896 But there’s no remedy. I shall answer it.
1897 350 What will you do, now my necessity
1898 Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
1899 Much more for what I cannot do for you
1900 Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed,
1901 But be of comfort.
SECOND OFFICER 1902 355 Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO, ⌜to Viola⌝
1903 I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA 1904 What money, sir?
1905 For the fair kindness you have showed me here,
1906 And part being prompted by your present trouble,
1907 360 Out of my lean and low ability
1908 I’ll lend you something. My having is not much.
1909 I’ll make division of my present with you.
1910 Hold, there’s half my coffer.⌜Offering him money.⌝
ANTONIO 1911 Will you deny me now?
1912 365 Is ’t possible that my deserts to you
1913 Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
1914 Lest that it make me so unsound a man
1915 As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
1916 That I have done for you.
VIOLA 1917 370 I know of none,
1918 Nor know I you by voice or any feature.
1919 I hate ingratitude more in a man
1920 Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,
1921 Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
1922 375 Inhabits our frail blood—
ANTONIO 1923 O heavens themselves!
1925 Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
1926 I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,
1927 380 Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
1928 And to his image, which methought did promise
1929 Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
1930 What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away!
1931 But O, how vile an idol proves this god!
1932 385 Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
1933 In nature there’s no blemish but the mind;
1934 None can be called deformed but the unkind.
1935 Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
1936 Are empty trunks o’erflourished by the devil.
1937 390 The man grows mad. Away with him.—Come,
1938 come, sir.
ANTONIO 1939 Lead me on.
⌜Antonio and Officers⌝ exit.
1940 Methinks his words do from such passion fly
1941 That he believes himself; so do not I.
1942 395 Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
1943 That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!
TOBY 1944 Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We’ll
1945 whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
⌜Toby, Fabian, and Andrew move aside.⌝
1946 He named Sebastian. I my brother know
1947 400 Yet living in my glass. Even such and so
1948 In favor was my brother, and he went
1949 Still in this fashion, color, ornament,
1950 For him I imitate. O, if it prove,
1951 Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!
1953 than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his
1954 friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
1955 his cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN 1956 A coward, a most devout coward, religious
1957 410 in it.
ANDREW 1958 ’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.
TOBY 1959 Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy
ANDREW 1961 An I do not—
FABIAN 1962 415Come, let’s see the event.
TOBY 1963 I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.
FOOL 1964 Will you make me believe that I am not sent for
SEBASTIAN 1966 Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow. Let
1967 me be clear of thee.
FOOL 1968 5Well held out, i’ faith. No, I do not know you, nor
1969 I am not sent to you by my lady to bid you come
1970 speak with her, nor your name is not Master
1971 Cesario, nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing
1972 that is so is so.
SEBASTIAN 1973 10I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else.
1974 Thou know’st not me.
FOOL 1975 Vent my folly? He has heard that word of some
1976 great man and now applies it to a Fool. Vent my
1977 folly? I am afraid this great lubber the world will
1978 15 prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness
1979 and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I
1980 vent to her that thou art coming?
SEBASTIAN 1981 I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me.
1982 There’s money for thee. ⌜Giving money.⌝ If you
1983 20 tarry longer, I shall give worse payment.
FOOL 1984 By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise
1985 men that give Fools money get themselves a good
1986 report—after fourteen years’ purchase.
ANDREW, ⌜to Sebastian⌝ 1987 Now, sir, have I met you again?
1988 25 There’s for you.⌜He strikes Sebastian.⌝
SEBASTIAN, ⌜returning the blow⌝ 1989 Why, there’s for thee,
1990 and there, and there.—Are all the people mad?
TOBY 1991 Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o’er the
FOOL, ⌜aside⌝ 1993 30This will I tell my lady straight. I would
1994 not be in some of your coats for twopence.
TOBY, ⌜seizing Sebastian⌝ 1995 Come on, sir, hold!
ANDREW 1996 Nay, let him alone. I’ll go another way to
1997 work with him. I’ll have an action of battery against
1998 35 him, if there be any law in Illyria. Though I struck
1999 him first, yet it’s no matter for that.
SEBASTIAN, ⌜to Toby⌝ 2000 Let go thy hand!
TOBY 2001 Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young
2002 soldier, put up your iron. You are well fleshed.
2003 40 Come on.
2004 I will be free from thee.
⌜He pulls free and draws his sword.⌝
2005 What wouldst thou now?
2006 If thou dar’st tempt me further, draw thy sword.
TOBY 2007 What, what? Nay, then, I must have an ounce or
2008 45 two of this malapert blood from you.
⌜He draws his sword.⌝
2009 Hold, Toby! On thy life I charge thee, hold!
TOBY 2010 Madam.
2011 Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
2012 Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
2015 Be not offended, dear Cesario.—
2016 Rudesby, begone!⌜Toby, Andrew, and Fabian exit.⌝
2017 I prithee, gentle friend,
2018 55 Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
2019 In this uncivil and unjust extent
2020 Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
2021 And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
2022 This ruffian hath botched up, that thou thereby
2023 60 Mayst smile at this. Thou shalt not choose but go.
2024 Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me!
2025 He started one poor heart of mine, in thee.
2026 What relish is in this? How runs the stream?
2027 Or I am mad, or else this is a dream.
2028 65 Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
2029 If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
2030 Nay, come, I prithee. Would thou ’dst be ruled by
2032 Madam, I will.
OLIVIA 2033 70 O, say so, and so be!
MARIA 2034 Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
2035 make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do
2036 it quickly. I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst.⌜She exits.⌝
FOOL 2037 Well, I’ll put it on and I will dissemble myself in
2038 5 ’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled
2039 in such a gown. ⌜He puts on gown and beard.⌝ I am
2041 lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be
2042 said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as
2043 10 fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar.
2044 The competitors enter.
Enter Toby ⌜and Maria.⌝
TOBY 2045 Jove bless thee, Master Parson.
FOOL 2046 Bonos dies, Sir Toby; for, as the old hermit of
2047 Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said
2048 15 to a niece of King Gorboduc “That that is, is,” so I,
2049 being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is
2050 “that” but “that” and “is” but “is”?
TOBY 2051 To him, Sir Topas.
FOOL, ⌜disguising his voice⌝ 2052 What ho, I say! Peace in this
2053 20 prison!
TOBY 2054 The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.
MALVOLIO 2055 Who calls there?
FOOL 2056 Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
2057 the lunatic.
MALVOLIO 2058 25Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to
2059 my lady—
FOOL 2060 Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this
2061 man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 2062 Well said, Master Parson.
MALVOLIO 2063 30Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged.
2064 Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have
2065 laid me here in hideous darkness—
FOOL 2066 Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
2067 modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones
2068 35 that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayst
2069 thou that house is dark?
MALVOLIO 2070 As hell, Sir Topas.
2072 and the ⌜clerestories⌝ toward the south-north
2073 40 are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest
2074 thou of obstruction?
MALVOLIO 2075 I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this
2076 house is dark.
FOOL 2077 Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness
2078 45 but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than
2079 the Egyptians in their fog.
MALVOLIO 2080 I say this house is as dark as ignorance,
2081 though ignorance were as dark as hell. And I say
2082 there was never man thus abused. I am no more
2083 50 mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any
2084 constant question.
FOOL 2085 What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
MALVOLIO 2087 That the soul of our grandam might haply
2088 55 inhabit a bird.
FOOL 2089 What thinkst thou of his opinion?
MALVOLIO 2090 I think nobly of the soul, and no way
2091 approve his opinion.
FOOL 2092 Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness.
2093 60 Thou shalt hold th’ opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
2094 allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest
2095 thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee
MALVOLIO 2097 Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
TOBY 2098 65My most exquisite Sir Topas!
FOOL 2099 Nay, I am for all waters.
MARIA 2100 Thou mightst have done this without thy beard
2101 and gown. He sees thee not.
TOBY 2102 To him in thine own voice, and bring me word
2103 70 how thou find’st him. I would we were well rid
2104 of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered,
2105 I would he were, for I am now so far in
2106 offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with
2108 75 to my chamber.
⌜Toby and Maria⌝ exit.
FOOL ⌜sings, in his own voice⌝
2109 Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
2110 Tell me how thy lady does.
MALVOLIO 2111 Fool!
2112 My lady is unkind, perdy.
MALVOLIO 2113 80Fool!
2114 Alas, why is she so?
MALVOLIO 2115 Fool, I say!
2116 She loves another—
2117 Who calls, ha?
MALVOLIO 2118 85Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at
2119 my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and
2120 paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful
2121 to thee for ’t.
FOOL 2122 Master Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 2123 90Ay, good Fool.
FOOL 2124 Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
MALVOLIO 2125 Fool, there was never man so notoriously
2126 abused. I am as well in my wits, Fool, as thou art.
FOOL 2127 But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be
2128 95 no better in your wits than a Fool.
MALVOLIO 2129 They have here propertied me, keep me in
2130 darkness, send ministers to me—asses!—and do
2131 all they can to face me out of my wits.
FOOL 2132 Advise you what you say. The minister is here.
2133 100 ⌜In the voice of Sir Topas.⌝ Malvolio, Malvolio, thy
2134 wits the heavens restore. Endeavor thyself to sleep
2135 and leave thy vain bibble-babble.
MALVOLIO 2136 Sir Topas!
2138 105 fellow. ⌜As Fool.⌝ Who, I, sir? Not I, sir! God buy
2139 you, good Sir Topas. ⌜As Sir Topas.⌝ Marry, amen.
2140 ⌜As Fool.⌝ I will, sir, I will.
MALVOLIO 2141 Fool! Fool! Fool, I say!
FOOL 2142 Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am
2143 110 shent for speaking to you.
MALVOLIO 2144 Good Fool, help me to some light and some
2145 paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any
2146 man in Illyria.
FOOL 2147 Welladay that you were, sir!
MALVOLIO 2148 115By this hand, I am. Good Fool, some ink,
2149 paper, and light; and convey what I will set down to
2150 my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the
2151 bearing of letter did.
FOOL 2152 I will help you to ’t. But tell me true, are you not
2153 120 mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit?
MALVOLIO 2154 Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.
FOOL 2155 Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his
2156 brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.
MALVOLIO 2157 Fool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree. I
2158 125 prithee, begone.
2159 I am gone, sir, and anon, sir,
2160 I’ll be with you again,
2161 In a trice, like to the old Vice,
2162 Your need to sustain.
2163 130 Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
2164 Cries “aha!” to the devil;
2165 Like a mad lad, “Pare thy nails, dad!
2166 Adieu, goodman devil.”
2167 This is the air; that is the glorious sun.
2168 This pearl she gave me, I do feel ’t and see ’t.
2169 And though ’tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
2170 Yet ’tis not madness. Where’s Antonio, then?
2171 5 I could not find him at the Elephant.
2172 Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,
2173 That he did range the town to seek me out.
2174 His counsel now might do me golden service.
2175 For though my soul disputes well with my sense
2176 10 That this may be some error, but no madness,
2177 Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
2178 So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
2179 That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
2180 And wrangle with my reason that persuades me
2181 15 To any other trust but that I am mad—
2182 Or else the lady’s mad. Yet if ’twere so,
2183 She could not sway her house, command her
2185 Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
2186 20 With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing
2187 As I perceive she does. There’s something in ’t
2188 That is deceivable. But here the lady comes.
Enter Olivia, and ⌜a⌝ Priest.
OLIVIA, ⌜to Sebastian⌝
2189 Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,
2190 Now go with me and with this holy man
2191 25 Into the chantry by. There, before him
2192 And underneath that consecrated roof,
2193 Plight me the full assurance of your faith,
2194 That my most jealous and too doubtful soul
2195 May live at peace. He shall conceal it
2197 What time we will our celebration keep
2198 According to my birth. What do you say?
2199 I’ll follow this good man and go with you,
2200 And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.
2201 35 Then lead the way, good father, and heavens so
2203 That they may fairly note this act of mine.
FABIAN 2204 Now, as thou lov’st me, let me see his letter.
FOOL 2205 Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
FABIAN 2206 Anything.
FOOL 2207 Do not desire to see this letter.
FABIAN 2208 5This is to give a dog and in recompense desire
2209 my dog again.
Enter ⌜Orsino,⌝ Viola, Curio, and Lords.
2210 Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?
FOOL 2211 Ay, sir, we are some of her trappings.
2212 I know thee well. How dost thou, my good fellow?
FOOL 2213 10Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
2214 for my friends.
2215 Just the contrary: the better for thy friends.
FOOL 2216 No, sir, the worse.
ORSINO 2217 How can that be?
FOOL 2218 15Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me.
2219 Now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass; so that by
2220 my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and
2221 by my friends I am abused. So that, conclusions to
2222 be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two
2224 the better for my foes.
ORSINO 2225 Why, this is excellent.
FOOL 2226 By my troth, sir, no—though it please you to be
2227 one of my friends.
ORSINO, ⌜giving a coin⌝
2228 25 Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there’s gold.
FOOL 2229 But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
2230 you could make it another.
ORSINO 2231 O, you give me ill counsel.
FOOL 2232 Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
2233 30 and let your flesh and blood obey it.
ORSINO 2234 Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a
2235 double-dealer: there’s another.⌜He gives a coin.⌝
FOOL 2236 Primo, secundo, tertio is a good play, and the old
2237 saying is, the third pays for all. The triplex, sir, is a
2238 35 good tripping measure, or the bells of Saint Bennet,
2239 sir, may put you in mind—one, two, three.
ORSINO 2240 You can fool no more money out of me at this
2241 throw. If you will let your lady know I am here to
2242 speak with her, and bring her along with you, it
2243 40 may awake my bounty further.
FOOL 2244 Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
2245 again. I go, sir, but I would not have you to think
2246 that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness.
2247 But, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap. I
2248 45 will awake it anon.He exits.
Enter Antonio and Officers.
2249 Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.
2250 That face of his I do remember well.
2251 Yet when I saw it last, it was besmeared
2252 As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war.
2253 50 A baubling vessel was he captain of,
2255 With which such scatheful grapple did he make
2256 With the most noble bottom of our fleet
2257 That very envy and the tongue of loss
2258 55 Cried fame and honor on him.—What’s the matter?
2259 Orsino, this is that Antonio
2260 That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy,
2261 And this is he that did the Tiger board
2262 When your young nephew Titus lost his leg.
2263 60 Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
2264 In private brabble did we apprehend him.
2265 He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side,
2266 But in conclusion put strange speech upon me.
2267 I know not what ’twas but distraction.
2268 65 Notable pirate, thou saltwater thief,
2269 What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies
2270 Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,
2271 Hast made thine enemies?
ANTONIO 2272 Orsino, noble sir,
2273 70 Be pleased that I shake off these names you give
2275 Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,
2276 Though, I confess, on base and ground enough,
2277 Orsino’s enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither.
2278 75 That most ingrateful boy there by your side
2279 From the rude sea’s enraged and foamy mouth
2280 Did I redeem; a wrack past hope he was.
2281 His life I gave him and did thereto add
2282 My love, without retention or restraint,
2283 80 All his in dedication. For his sake
2284 Did I expose myself, pure for his love,
2285 Into the danger of this adverse town;
2286 Drew to defend him when he was beset;
2288 85 (Not meaning to partake with me in danger)
2289 Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance
2290 And grew a twenty years’ removèd thing
2291 While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,
2292 Which I had recommended to his use
2293 90 Not half an hour before.
VIOLA 2294 How can this be?
ORSINO, ⌜to Antonio⌝ 2295 When came he to this town?
2296 Today, my lord; and for three months before,
2297 No int’rim, not a minute’s vacancy,
2298 95 Both day and night did we keep company.
Enter Olivia and Attendants.
2299 Here comes the Countess. Now heaven walks on
2301 But for thee, fellow: fellow, thy words are madness.
2302 Three months this youth hath tended upon me—
2303 100 But more of that anon. ⌜To an Officer.⌝ Take him
2305 What would my lord, but that he may not have,
2306 Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?—
2307 Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.
VIOLA 2308 105Madam?
ORSINO 2309 Gracious Olivia—
2310 What do you say, Cesario?—Good my lord—
2311 My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.
2312 If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,
2313 110 It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
2314 As howling after music.
2315 Still so cruel?
OLIVIA 2316 Still so constant, lord.
2317 What, to perverseness? You, uncivil lady,
2318 115 To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars
2319 My soul the faithful’st off’rings have breathed out
2320 That e’er devotion tendered—what shall I do?
2321 Even what it please my lord that shall become him.
2322 Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
2323 120 Like to th’ Egyptian thief at point of death,
2324 Kill what I love?—a savage jealousy
2325 That sometime savors nobly. But hear me this:
2326 Since you to nonregardance cast my faith,
2327 And that I partly know the instrument
2328 125 That screws me from my true place in your favor,
2329 Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still.
2330 But this your minion, whom I know you love,
2331 And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,
2332 Him will I tear out of that cruel eye
2333 130 Where he sits crownèd in his master’s spite.—
2334 Come, boy, with me. My thoughts are ripe in
2336 I’ll sacrifice the lamb that I do love
2337 To spite a raven’s heart within a dove.
2338 135 And I, most jocund, apt, and willingly,
2339 To do you rest a thousand deaths would die.
2340 Where goes Cesario?
VIOLA 2341 After him I love
2342 More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
2343 140 More by all mores than e’er I shall love wife.
2344 If I do feign, you witnesses above,
2345 Punish my life for tainting of my love.
2346 Ay me, detested! How am I beguiled!
2347 Who does beguile you? Who does do you wrong?
2348 145 Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?—
2349 Call forth the holy father.⌜An Attendant exits.⌝
ORSINO, ⌜to Viola⌝ 2350 Come, away!
2351 Whither, my lord?—Cesario, husband, stay.
OLIVIA 2353 150 Ay, husband. Can he that deny?
2354 Her husband, sirrah?
VIOLA 2355 No, my lord, not I.
2356 Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear
2357 That makes thee strangle thy propriety.
2358 155 Fear not, Cesario. Take thy fortunes up.
2359 Be that thou know’st thou art, and then thou art
2360 As great as that thou fear’st.
2361 O, welcome, father.
2362 Father, I charge thee by thy reverence
2363 160 Here to unfold (though lately we intended
2364 To keep in darkness what occasion now
2365 Reveals before ’tis ripe) what thou dost know
2366 Hath newly passed between this youth and me.
2367 A contract of eternal bond of love,
2368 165 Confirmed by mutual joinder of your hands,
2369 Attested by the holy close of lips,
2370 Strengthened by interchangement of your rings,
2371 And all the ceremony of this compact
2373 170 Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my
2375 I have traveled but two hours.
ORSINO, ⌜to Viola⌝
2376 O thou dissembling cub! What wilt thou be
2377 When time hath sowed a grizzle on thy case?
2378 175 Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow
2379 That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
2380 Farewell, and take her, but direct thy feet
2381 Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.
2382 My lord, I do protest—
OLIVIA 2383 180 O, do not swear.
2384 Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.
Enter Sir Andrew.
ANDREW 2385 For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one
2386 presently to Sir Toby.
OLIVIA 2387 What’s the matter?
ANDREW 2388 185Has broke my head across, and has given Sir
2389 Toby a bloody coxcomb too. For the love of God,
2390 your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at
OLIVIA 2392 Who has done this, Sir Andrew?
ANDREW 2393 190The Count’s gentleman, one Cesario. We took
2394 him for a coward, but he’s the very devil
ORSINO 2396 My gentleman Cesario?
ANDREW 2397 ’Od’s lifelings, here he is!—You broke my
2398 195 head for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to
2399 do ’t by Sir Toby.
2400 Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you.
2401 You drew your sword upon me without cause,
2402 But I bespake you fair and hurt you not.
2404 me. I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Toby and ⌜Feste, the Fool.⌝
2405 Here comes Sir Toby halting. You shall hear
2406 more. But if he had not been in drink, he would
2407 have tickled you othergates than he did.
ORSINO 2408 205How now, gentleman? How is ’t with you?
TOBY 2409 That’s all one. Has hurt me, and there’s th’ end
2410 on ’t. ⌜To Fool.⌝ Sot, didst see Dick Surgeon, sot?
FOOL 2411 O, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
2412 were set at eight i’ th’ morning.
TOBY 2413 210Then he’s a rogue and a passy-measures pavin. I
2414 hate a drunken rogue.
OLIVIA 2415 Away with him! Who hath made this havoc
2416 with them?
ANDREW 2417 I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because we’ll be
2418 215 dressed together.
TOBY 2419 Will you help?—an ass-head, and a coxcomb,
2420 and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull?
2421 Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked to.
⌜Toby, Andrew, Fool, and Fabian exit.⌝
2422 I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman,
2423 220 But, had it been the brother of my blood,
2424 I must have done no less with wit and safety.
2425 You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
2426 I do perceive it hath offended you.
2427 Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
2428 225 We made each other but so late ago.
2429 One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons!
2430 A natural perspective, that is and is not!
2431 Antonio, O, my dear Antonio!
2432 How have the hours racked and tortured me
2433 230 Since I have lost thee!
2434 Sebastian are you?
SEBASTIAN 2435 Fear’st thou that, Antonio?
2436 How have you made division of yourself?
2437 An apple cleft in two is not more twin
2438 235 Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
OLIVIA 2439 Most wonderful!
SEBASTIAN, ⌜looking at Viola⌝
2440 Do I stand there? I never had a brother,
2441 Nor can there be that deity in my nature
2442 Of here and everywhere. I had a sister
2443 240 Whom the blind waves and surges have devoured.
2444 Of charity, what kin are you to me?
2445 What countryman? What name? What parentage?
2446 Of Messaline. Sebastian was my father.
2447 Such a Sebastian was my brother too.
2448 245 So went he suited to his watery tomb.
2449 If spirits can assume both form and suit,
2450 You come to fright us.
SEBASTIAN 2451 A spirit I am indeed,
2452 But am in that dimension grossly clad
2453 250 Which from the womb I did participate.
2454 Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
2455 I should my tears let fall upon your cheek
2456 And say “Thrice welcome, drownèd Viola.”
2457 My father had a mole upon his brow.
SEBASTIAN 2458 255And so had mine.
2459 And died that day when Viola from her birth
2460 Had numbered thirteen years.
2461 O, that record is lively in my soul!
2462 He finishèd indeed his mortal act
2463 260 That day that made my sister thirteen years.
2464 If nothing lets to make us happy both
2465 But this my masculine usurped attire,
2466 Do not embrace me till each circumstance
2467 Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
2468 265 That I am Viola; which to confirm,
2469 I’ll bring you to a captain in this town,
2470 Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
2471 I was preserved to serve this noble count.
2472 All the occurrence of my fortune since
2473 270 Hath been between this lady and this lord.
SEBASTIAN, ⌜to Olivia⌝
2474 So comes it, lady, you have been mistook.
2475 But nature to her bias drew in that.
2476 You would have been contracted to a maid.
2477 Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived:
2478 275 You are betrothed both to a maid and man.
ORSINO, ⌜to Olivia⌝
2479 Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
2480 If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
2481 I shall have share in this most happy wrack.—
2482 Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
2483 280 Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.
2484 And all those sayings will I overswear,
2485 And all those swearings keep as true in soul
2486 As doth that orbèd continent the fire
2487 That severs day from night.
ORSINO 2488 285 Give me thy hand,
2489 And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.
2490 The Captain that did bring me first on shore
2492 Is now in durance at Malvolio’s suit,
2493 290 A gentleman and follower of my lady’s.
2494 He shall enlarge him.
Enter ⌜Feste, the Fool⌝ with a letter, and Fabian.
2495 Fetch Malvolio hither.
2496 And yet, alas, now I remember me,
2497 They say, poor gentleman, he’s much distract.
2498 295 A most extracting frenzy of mine own
2499 From my remembrance clearly banished his.
2500 ⌜To the Fool.⌝ How does he, sirrah?
FOOL 2501 Truly, madam, he holds Beelzebub at the stave’s
2502 end as well as a man in his case may do. Has here
2503 300 writ a letter to you. I should have given ’t you today
2504 morning. But as a madman’s epistles are no gospels,
2505 so it skills not much when they are delivered.
OLIVIA 2506 Open ’t and read it.
FOOL 2507 Look then to be well edified, when the Fool
2508 305 delivers the madman. ⌜He reads.⌝ By the Lord,
OLIVIA 2510 How now, art thou mad?
FOOL 2511 No, madam, I do but read madness. An your
2512 Ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must
2513 310 allow vox.
OLIVIA 2514 Prithee, read i’ thy right wits.
FOOL 2515 So I do, madonna. But to read his right wits is to
2516 read thus. Therefore, perpend, my princess, and
2517 give ear.
OLIVIA, ⌜giving letter to Fabian⌝ 2518 315Read it you, sirrah.
FABIAN (reads) 2519 By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and
2520 the world shall know it. Though you have put me into
2521 darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over
2522 me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your
2523 320 Ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to
2525 to do myself much right or you much shame. Think of
2526 me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of
2527 and speak out of my injury.
2528 325 The madly used Malvolio.
OLIVIA 2529 Did he write this?
FOOL 2530 Ay, madam.
2531 This savors not much of distraction.
2532 See him delivered, Fabian. Bring him hither.
2533 330 ⌜To Orsino.⌝ My lord, so please you, these things
2534 further thought on,
2535 To think me as well a sister as a wife,
2536 One day shall crown th’ alliance on ’t, so please
2538 335 Here at my house, and at my proper cost.
2539 Madam, I am most apt t’ embrace your offer.
2540 ⌜To Viola.⌝ Your master quits you; and for your
2541 service done him,
2542 So much against the mettle of your sex,
2543 340 So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
2544 And since you called me “master” for so long,
2545 Here is my hand. You shall from this time be
2546 Your master’s mistress.
OLIVIA, ⌜to Viola⌝ 2547 A sister! You are she.
Enter Malvolio ⌜and Fabian.⌝
2548 345 Is this the madman?
OLIVIA 2549 Ay, my lord, this same.—
2550 How now, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 2551 Madam, you have done me
2553 350 Notorious wrong.
MALVOLIO, ⌜handing her a paper⌝
2555 Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter.
2556 You must not now deny it is your hand.
2557 Write from it if you can, in hand or phrase,
2558 355 Or say ’tis not your seal, not your invention.
2559 You can say none of this. Well, grant it then,
2560 And tell me, in the modesty of honor,
2561 Why you have given me such clear lights of favor?
2562 Bade me come smiling and cross-gartered to you,
2563 360 To put on yellow stockings, and to frown
2564 Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people?
2565 And, acting this in an obedient hope,
2566 Why have you suffered me to be imprisoned,
2567 Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
2568 365 And made the most notorious geck and gull
2569 That e’er invention played on? Tell me why.
2570 Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
2571 Though I confess much like the character.
2572 But out of question, ’tis Maria’s hand.
2573 370 And now I do bethink me, it was she
2574 First told me thou wast mad; then cam’st in smiling,
2575 And in such forms which here were presupposed
2576 Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content.
2577 This practice hath most shrewdly passed upon thee.
2578 375 But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
2579 Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
2580 Of thine own cause.
FABIAN 2581 Good madam, hear me speak,
2582 And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
2583 380 Taint the condition of this present hour,
2584 Which I have wondered at. In hope it shall not,
2585 Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
2586 Set this device against Malvolio here,
2587 Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
2588 385 We had conceived against him. Maria writ
2590 In recompense whereof he hath married her.
2591 How with a sportful malice it was followed
2592 May rather pluck on laughter than revenge,
2593 390 If that the injuries be justly weighed
2594 That have on both sides passed.
OLIVIA, ⌜to Malvolio⌝
2595 Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!
FOOL 2596 Why, “some are born great, some achieve greatness,
2597 and some have greatness thrown upon them.”
2598 395 I was one, sir, in this interlude, one Sir Topas, sir,
2599 but that’s all one. “By the Lord, Fool, I am not
2600 mad”—but, do you remember “Madam, why laugh
2601 you at such a barren rascal; an you smile not, he’s
2602 gagged”? And thus the whirligig of time brings in
2603 400 his revenges.
2604 I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you!⌜He exits.⌝
2605 He hath been most notoriously abused.
2606 Pursue him and entreat him to a peace.⌜Some exit.⌝
2607 He hath not told us of the Captain yet.
2608 405 When that is known, and golden time convents,
2609 A solemn combination shall be made
2610 Of our dear souls.—Meantime, sweet sister,
2611 We will not part from hence.—Cesario, come,
2612 For so you shall be while you are a man.
2613 410 But when in other habits you are seen,
2614 Orsino’s mistress, and his fancy’s queen.
⌜All but the Fool⌝ exit.
2615 When that I was and a little tiny boy,
2616 With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
2617 A foolish thing was but a toy,
2618 415 For the rain it raineth every day.
2619 But when I came to man’s estate,
2620 With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
2621 ’Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
2622 For the rain it raineth every day.
2623 420 But when I came, alas, to wive,
2624 With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
2625 By swaggering could I never thrive,
2626 For the rain it raineth every day.
2627 But when I came unto my beds,
2628 425 With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
2629 With tosspots still had drunken heads,
2630 For the rain it raineth every day.
2631 A great while ago the world begun,
2632 ⌜With⌝ hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
2633 430 But that’s all one, our play is done,
2634 And we’ll strive to please you every day.