Twelfth Night - Act 2, scene 5
Download Twelfth Night
Last updated: Fri, Jul 31, 2015
- PDF Download as PDF
- DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) without line numbers Download as DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) without line numbers
- DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) with line numbers Download as DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) with line numbers
- HTML Download as HTML
- TXT Download as TXT
- XML Download as XML
- TEISimple XML (annotated with MorphAdorner for part-of-speech analysis) Download as TEISimple XML (annotated with MorphAdorner for part-of-speech analysis)
Act 2, scene 5
Maria lays her trap for Malvolio by placing her forged letter in his path. From their hiding place, Toby, Andrew, and Fabian observe Malvolio’s delight in discovering the love letter. Malvolio promises to obey the letter: to smile, to put on yellow stockings cross-gartered, and to be haughty to Sir Toby. Delighted with their success, Maria and the others prepare to enjoy Malvolio’s downfall.Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
TOBY 1028 Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.
FABIAN 1029 Nay, I’ll come. If I lose a scruple of this sport,
1030 let me be boiled to death with melancholy.
TOBY 1031 Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
1032 5 rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?
FABIAN 1033 I would exult, man. You know he brought me
1034 out o’ favor with my lady about a bearbaiting here.
TOBY 1035 To anger him, we’ll have the bear again, and we
1036 will fool him black and blue, shall we not, Sir
1037 10 Andrew?
ANDREW 1038 An we do not, it is pity of our lives.
TOBY 1039 Here comes the little villain.—How now, my
1040 metal of India?
MARIA 1041 Get you all three into the boxtree. Malvolio’s
1042 15 coming down this walk. He has been yonder i’ the
1043 sun practicing behavior to his own shadow this half
1044 hour. Observe him, for the love of mockery, for I
1045 know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of
1046 him. Close, in the name of jesting! ⌜They hide.⌝ Lie
1047 20 thou there ⌜putting down the letter,⌝ for here comes
1048 the trout that must be caught with tickling.
MALVOLIO 1049 ’Tis but fortune, all is fortune. Maria once
1050 told me she did affect me, and I have heard herself
1051 come thus near, that should she fancy, it should be
1052 25 one of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a
1053 more exalted respect than anyone else that follows
1054 her. What should I think on ’t?
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1055 Here’s an overweening rogue.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1056 O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare
1057 30 turkeycock of him. How he jets under his advanced
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1059 ’Slight, I could so beat the rogue!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1060 Peace, I say.
MALVOLIO 1061 To be Count Malvolio.
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1062 35Ah, rogue!
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1063 Pistol him, pistol him!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1064 Peace, peace!
MALVOLIO 1065 There is example for ’t. The lady of the
1066 Strachy married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1067 40Fie on him, Jezebel!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1068 O, peace, now he’s deeply in. Look how
1069 imagination blows him.
1071 sitting in my state—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1072 45O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!
MALVOLIO 1073 Calling my officers about me, in my
1074 branched velvet gown, having come from a daybed
1075 where I have left Olivia sleeping—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1076 Fire and brimstone!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1077 50O, peace, peace!
MALVOLIO 1078 And then to have the humor of state; and
1079 after a demure travel of regard, telling them I
1080 know my place, as I would they should do theirs, to
1081 ask for my kinsman Toby—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1082 55Bolts and shackles!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1083 O, peace, peace, peace! Now, now.
MALVOLIO 1084 Seven of my people, with an obedient start,
1085 make out for him. I frown the while, and perchance
1086 wind up my watch, or play with my—some
1087 60 rich jewel. Toby approaches; curtsies there to me—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1088 Shall this fellow live?
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1089 Though our silence be drawn from us
1090 with cars, yet peace!
MALVOLIO 1091 I extend my hand to him thus, quenching
1092 65 my familiar smile with an austere regard of
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1094 And does not Toby take you a blow o’ the
1095 lips then?
MALVOLIO 1096 Saying, “Cousin Toby, my fortunes, having
1097 70 cast me on your niece, give me this prerogative of
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1099 What, what?
MALVOLIO 1100 “You must amend your drunkenness.”
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1101 Out, scab!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1102 75Nay, patience, or we break the sinews
1103 of our plot!
MALVOLIO 1104 “Besides, you waste the treasure of your
1105 time with a foolish knight—”
MALVOLIO 1107 80“One Sir Andrew.”
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1108 I knew ’twas I, for many do call me
MALVOLIO, ⌜seeing the letter⌝ 1110 What employment have
1111 we here?
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1112 85Now is the woodcock near the gin.
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1113 O, peace, and the spirit of humors intimate
1114 reading aloud to him.
MALVOLIO, ⌜taking up the letter⌝ 1115 By my life, this is my
1116 lady’s hand! These be her very c’s, her u’s, and her
1117 90 t’s, and thus she makes her great P’s. It is in
1118 contempt of question her hand.
ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ 1119 Her c’s, her u’s, and her t’s. Why that?
MALVOLIO ⌜reads⌝ 1120 To the unknown beloved, this, and my
1121 good wishes—Her very phrases! By your leave, wax.
1122 95 Soft. And the impressure her Lucrece, with which
1123 she uses to seal—’tis my lady! ⌜He opens the letter.⌝
1124 To whom should this be?
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1125 This wins him, liver and all.
1126 Jove knows I love,
1127 100 But who?
1128 Lips, do not move;
1129 No man must know.
1130 “No man must know.” What follows? The numbers
1131 altered. “No man must know.” If this should be
1132 105 thee, Malvolio!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1133 Marry, hang thee, brock!
1134 I may command where I adore,
1135 But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
1136 With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore;
1137 110 M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1138 A fustian riddle!
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1139 Excellent wench, say I.
1141 let me see, let me see, let me see.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1142 115What dish o’ poison has she dressed
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1144 And with what wing the ⌜staniel⌝ checks
1145 at it!
MALVOLIO 1146 “I may command where I adore.” Why, she
1147 120 may command me; I serve her; she is my lady. Why,
1148 this is evident to any formal capacity. There is no
1149 obstruction in this. And the end—what should that
1150 alphabetical position portend? If I could make that
1151 resemble something in me! Softly! “M.O.A.I.”—
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1152 125O, ay, make up that.—He is now at a cold
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1154 Sowter will cry upon ’t for all this,
1155 though it be as rank as a fox.
MALVOLIO 1156 “M”—Malvolio. “M”—why, that begins
1157 130 my name!
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1158 Did not I say he would work it out? The
1159 cur is excellent at faults.
MALVOLIO 1160 “M.” But then there is no consonancy in
1161 the sequel that suffers under probation. “A” should
1162 135 follow, but “O” does.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1163 And “O” shall end, I hope.
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 1164 Ay, or I’ll cudgel him and make him cry
MALVOLIO 1166 And then “I” comes behind.
FABIAN, ⌜aside⌝ 1167 140Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you
1168 might see more detraction at your heels than fortunes
1169 before you.
MALVOLIO 1170 “M.O.A.I.” This simulation is not as the
1171 former, and yet to crush this a little, it would bow
1172 145 to me, for every one of these letters are in my name.
1173 Soft, here follows prose.
1174 ⌜He reads.⌝ If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my
1175 stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness.
1177 150 some have greatness thrust upon ’em. Thy fates open
1178 their hands. Let thy blood and spirit embrace them.
1179 And, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast
1180 thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be opposite with
1181 a kinsman, surly with servants. Let thy tongue tang
1182 155 arguments of state. Put thyself into the trick of singularity.
1183 She thus advises thee that sighs for thee.
1184 Remember who commended thy yellow stockings and
1185 wished to see thee ever cross-gartered. I say, remember.
1186 Go to, thou art made, if thou desir’st to be so. If
1187 160 not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of
1188 servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune’s fingers.
1189 Farewell. She that would alter services with thee,
1190 The Fortunate-Unhappy.
1191 Daylight and champian discovers not more! This is
1192 165 open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I
1193 will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance,
1194 I will be point-devise the very man. I do not
1195 now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for
1196 every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me.
1197 170 She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she
1198 did praise my leg being cross-gartered, and in this
1199 she manifests herself to my love and, with a kind of
1200 injunction, drives me to these habits of her liking. I
1201 thank my stars, I am happy. I will be strange, stout,
1202 175 in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with
1203 the swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be
1204 praised! Here is yet a postscript.
1205 ⌜He reads.⌝ Thou canst not choose but know who I
1206 am. If thou entertain’st my love, let it appear in thy
1207 180 smiling; thy smiles become thee well. Therefore in my
1208 presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.
1209 Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything
1210 that thou wilt have me.He exits.
1212 185 pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
TOBY 1213 I could marry this wench for this device.
ANDREW 1214 So could I too.
TOBY 1215 And ask no other dowry with her but such
1216 another jest.
ANDREW 1217 190Nor I neither.
FABIAN 1218 Here comes my noble gull-catcher.
TOBY 1219 Wilt thou set thy foot o’ my neck?
ANDREW 1220 Or o’ mine either?
TOBY 1221 Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip and become
1222 195 thy bondslave?
ANDREW 1223 I’ faith, or I either?
TOBY 1224 Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that
1225 when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
MARIA 1226 Nay, but say true, does it work upon him?
TOBY 1227 200Like aqua vitae with a midwife.
MARIA 1228 If you will then see the fruits of the sport,
1229 mark his first approach before my lady. He will
1230 come to her in yellow stockings, and ’tis a color
1231 she abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
1232 205 and he will smile upon her, which will now
1233 be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted
1234 to a melancholy as she is, that it cannot
1235 but turn him into a notable contempt. If you will
1236 see it, follow me.
TOBY 1237 210To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil
1238 of wit!
ANDREW 1239 I’ll make one, too.