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Twelfth Night - Act 3, scene 2
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Navigate this workTwelfth Night - Act 3, scene 2
Act 3, scene 2
Sir Andrew, convinced that Olivia will never love him, threatens to leave. Sir Toby persuades him that he can win her love if he challenges Cesario to a duel. Sir Andrew goes off to prepare a letter for Cesario. Maria enters to say that Malvolio has followed every point in the letter and is about to incur disaster when he appears before Olivia.Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
ANDREW 1412 No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.
TOBY 1413 Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
FABIAN 1414 You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
ANDREW 1415 Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the
1416 5 Count’s servingman than ever she bestowed upon
1417 me. I saw ’t i’ th’ orchard.
TOBY 1418 Did she see ⌜thee⌝ the while, old boy? Tell me
ANDREW 1420 As plain as I see you now.
FABIAN 1421 10This was a great argument of love in her toward
ANDREW 1423 ’Slight, will you make an ass o’ me?
FABIAN 1424 I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
1425 judgment and reason.
TOBY 1426 15And they have been grand-jurymen since before
1427 Noah was a sailor.
FABIAN 1428 She did show favor to the youth in your sight
1429 only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse
1430 valor, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in
1431 20 your liver. You should then have accosted her, and
1432 with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint,
1433 you should have banged the youth into dumbness.
1434 This was looked for at your hand, and this was
1435 balked. The double gilt of this opportunity you let
1436 25 time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north
1437 of my lady’s opinion, where you will hang like an
1438 icicle on a Dutchman’s beard, unless you do redeem
1439 it by some laudable attempt either of valor or
ANDREW 1441 30An ’t be any way, it must be with valor, for
1442 policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a
TOBY 1444 Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis
p. 1051445 of valor. Challenge me the Count’s youth to fight
1446 35 with him. Hurt him in eleven places. My niece shall
1447 take note of it, and assure thyself there is no
1448 love-broker in the world can more prevail in man’s
1449 commendation with woman than report of valor.
FABIAN 1450 There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
ANDREW 1451 40Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
TOBY 1452 Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and
1453 brief. It is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent
1454 and full of invention. Taunt him with the license of
1455 ink. If thou “thou”-est him some thrice, it shall not
1456 45 be amiss, and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
1457 paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
1458 bed of Ware in England, set ’em down. Go, about it.
1459 Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
1460 write with a goose-pen, no matter. About it.
ANDREW 1461 50Where shall I find you?
TOBY 1462 We’ll call thee at the cubiculo. Go.
Sir Andrew exits.
FABIAN 1463 This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
TOBY 1464 I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
1465 strong or so.
FABIAN 1466 55We shall have a rare letter from him. But you’ll
1467 not deliver ’t?
TOBY 1468 Never trust me, then. And by all means stir on
1469 the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
1470 cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
1471 60 opened and you find so much blood in his liver as
1472 will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat the rest of th’
FABIAN 1474 And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage
1475 no great presage of cruelty.
TOBY 1476 65Look where the youngest wren of mine comes.
MARIA 1477 If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves
p. 1071478 into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is
1479 turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no
1480 Christian that means to be saved by believing rightly
1481 70 can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness.
1482 He’s in yellow stockings.
TOBY 1483 And cross-gartered?
MARIA 1484 Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a
1485 school i’ th’ church. I have dogged him like his
1486 75 murderer. He does obey every point of the letter
1487 that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face
1488 into more lines than is in the new map with the
1489 augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such
1490 a thing as ’tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at
1491 80 him. I know my lady will strike him. If she do, he’ll
1492 smile and take ’t for a great favor.
TOBY 1493 Come, bring us, bring us where he is.
They all exit.