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The Two Noble Kinsmen - Act 3, scene 5
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Navigate this workThe Two Noble Kinsmen - Act 3, scene 5
Act 3, scene 5
The countrymen and the schoolmaster gather for the morris dance to be performed for Duke Theseus. When the countrywomen arrive, it is discovered that one woman is missing. At that moment, the jailer’s daughter, now completely mad, arrives and becomes one of the dancers. Theseus and his court appear and the morris dance is performed.Enter a Schoolmaster and ⌜six⌝ Countrymen,
⌜one dressed as a Bavian.⌝
SCHOOLMASTER 1612 Fie, fie, what tediosity and disinsanity
1613 is here among you! Have my rudiments been labored
1614 so long with you, milked unto you, and, by a
1615 figure, even the very plum broth and marrow of
1616 5 my understanding laid upon you, and do you still
1617 cry “Where?” and “How?” and “Wherefore?” You
1618 most coarse-frieze capacities, you ⌜jean⌝ judgments,
1619 have I said “Thus let be” and “There let be”
1620 and “Then let be” and no man understand me? Proh
1621 10 deum, medius fidius, you are all dunces! Forwhy,
1622 here stand I; here the Duke comes; there are you,
1623 close in the thicket; the Duke appears; I meet him
1624 and unto him I utter learnèd things and many figures;
1625 he hears, and nods, and hums, and then cries
1626 15 “Rare!” and I go forward. At length I fling my cap
1627 up—mark there! Then do you as once did Meleager
p. 1231628 and the boar—break comely out before him;
1629 like true lovers, cast yourselves in a body decently,
1630 and sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.
FIRST COUNTRYMAN 1631 20And sweetly we will do it, Master
SECOND COUNTRYMAN 1633 Draw up the company. Where’s
1634 the taborer?
THIRD COUNTRYMAN 1635 Why, Timothy!
⌜Enter the⌝ Taborer.
TABORER 1636 25Here, my mad boys. Have at you!
SCHOOLMASTER 1637 But I say, where’s their women?
Enter ⌜five⌝ Wenches.
FOURTH COUNTRYMAN 1638 Here’s Fritz and Maudlin.
SECOND COUNTRYMAN 1639 And little Luce with the white
1640 legs, and bouncing Barbary.
FIRST COUNTRYMAN 1641 30And freckled Nell, that never failed
1642 her master.
SCHOOLMASTER 1643 Where be your ribbons, maids? Swim
1644 with your bodies, and carry it sweetly and deliverly,
1645 and now and then a favor and a frisk.
NELL 1646 35Let us alone, sir.
SCHOOLMASTER 1647 Where’s the rest o’ th’ music?
THIRD COUNTRYMAN 1648 Dispersed, as you commanded.
SCHOOLMASTER 1649 Couple, then, and see what’s wanting.
1650 Where’s the Bavian?—My friend, carry your tail
1651 40 without offense or scandal to the ladies; and be
1652 sure you tumble with audacity and manhood, and
1653 when you bark, do it with judgment.
BAVIAN 1654 Yes, sir.
SCHOOLMASTER 1655 Quo usque tandem? Here is a woman
1656 45 wanting.
FOURTH COUNTRYMAN 1657 We may go whistle; all the fat’s i’
1658 th’ fire.
SCHOOLMASTER 1659 We have, as learnèd authors utter,
p. 1251660 washed a tile; we have been fatuus and labored
1661 50 vainly.
SECOND COUNTRYMAN 1662 This is that scornful piece, that
1663 scurvy hilding that gave her promise faithfully she
1664 would be here—Cicely, the sempster’s daughter.
1665 The next gloves that I give her shall be dogskin;
1666 55 nay, an she fail me once—you can tell, Arcas, she
1667 swore by wine and bread she would not break.
SCHOOLMASTER 1668 An eel and woman, a learnèd poet
1669 says, unless by th’ tail and with thy teeth thou hold,
1670 will either fail. In manners, this was false
1671 60 position.
FIRST COUNTRYMAN 1672 A fire ill take her! Does she flinch
THIRD COUNTRYMAN 1674 What shall we determine, sir?
SCHOOLMASTER 1675 Nothing. Our business is become a
1676 65 nullity, yea, and a woeful and a piteous nullity.
FOURTH COUNTRYMAN 1677 Now, when the credit of our town
1678 lay on it, now to be frampold, now to piss o’ th’
1679 nettle! Go thy ways; I’ll remember thee. I’ll fit
Enter Jailer’s Daughter.
1681 70 The George Alow came from the south,
1682 From the coast of Barbary-a,
1683 And there he met with brave gallants of war,
1684 By one, by two, by three-a.
1685 “Well hailed, well hailed, you jolly gallants,
1686 75 And whither now are you bound-a?
1687 O, let me have your company
1688 Till ⌜I⌝ come to the sound-a.”
1689 There was three fools, fell out about an owlet—
⌜Sings⌝ 1690 The one ⌜he⌝ said it was an owl,
1691 80 The other he said nay,
p. 1271692 The third he said it was a hawk,
1693 And her bells were cut away.
THIRD COUNTRYMAN 1694 There’s a dainty madwoman, master,
1695 comes i’ th’ nick, as mad as a March hare. If we
1696 85 can get her dance, we are made again. I warrant
1697 her, she’ll do the rarest gambols.
FIRST COUNTRYMAN 1698 A madwoman? We are made, boys.
SCHOOLMASTER, ⌜to Jailer’s Daughter⌝ 1699 And are you mad,
1700 good woman?
DAUGHTER 1701 90I would be sorry else. Give me your hand.
SCHOOLMASTER 1702 Why?
DAUGHTER 1703 I can tell your fortune. ⌜She looks at his
hand.⌝ 1704 You are a fool. Tell ten.—I have posed him.
1705 Buzz!—Friend, you must eat no white bread; if
1706 95 you do, your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we
1707 dance, ho? I know you, you’re a tinker. Sirrah tinker,
1708 stop no more holes but what you should.
SCHOOLMASTER 1709 Dii boni! A tinker, damsel?
DAUGHTER 1710 Or a conjurer. Raise me a devil now, and let
1711 100 him play ⌜Chi⌝ passa o’ th’ bells and bones.
SCHOOLMASTER 1712 Go, take her, and fluently persuade her
1713 to a peace. Et opus exegi, quod nec Iovis ira, nec
1714 ignis. Strike up, and lead her in.
SECOND COUNTRYMAN 1715 Come, lass, let’s trip it.
DAUGHTER 1716 105I’ll lead.
THIRD COUNTRYMAN 1717 Do, do!
SCHOOLMASTER 1718 Persuasively, and cunningly.
1719 Away, boys! I hear the horns. Give me some
1720 meditation, and mark your cue.
All but Schoolmaster exit.
1721 110 Pallas, inspire me!
Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, and train.
THESEUS 1722 This way the stag took.
SCHOOLMASTER 1723 Stay, and edify!
p. 129THESEUS 1724 What have we here?
PIRITHOUS 1725 Some country sport, upon my life, sir.
⌜THESEUS, to Schoolmaster⌝ 1726 115Well, sir, go forward. We
1727 will “edify.”Chairs and stools ⌜brought⌝ out.
1728 Ladies, sit down. We’ll stay it.
⌜Theseus, Hippolyta, and Emilia sit.⌝
1729 Thou doughty duke, all hail!—All hail, sweet ladies!
THESEUS, ⌜aside⌝ 1730 This is a cold beginning.
1731 120 If you but favor, our country pastime made is.
1732 We are a few of those collected here
1733 That ruder tongues distinguish “villager.”
1734 And to say verity, and not to fable,
1735 We are a merry rout, or else a rabble,
1736 125 Or company, or by a figure, chorus,
1737 That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris.
1738 And I that am the rectifier of all,
1739 By title pedagogus, that let fall
1740 The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,
1741 130 And humble with a ferula the tall ones,
1742 Do here present this machine, or this frame.
1743 And, dainty duke, whose doughty dismal fame
1744 From Dis to Daedalus, from post to pillar,
1745 Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,
1746 135 And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight
1747 Upon this mighty “Morr,” of mickle weight—
1748 “Is” now comes in, which being glued together
1749 Makes “Morris,” and the cause that we came hither.
1750 The body of our sport, of no small study,
1751 140 I first appear, though rude, and raw, and muddy,
1752 To speak before thy noble grace this tenner,
1753 At whose great feet I offer up my penner.
1754 The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright,
1755 The Chambermaid and Servingman by night
1756 145 That seek out silent hanging; then mine Host
p. 1311757 And his fat Spouse, that welcomes to their cost
1758 The gallèd traveler, and with a beck’ning
1759 Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning;
1760 Then the beest-eating Clown; and next the Fool,
1761 150 The Bavian with long tail and eke long tool,
1762 Cum multis aliis that make a dance;
1763 Say “ay,” and all shall presently advance.
1764 Ay, ay, by any means, dear Domine.
PIRITHOUS 1765 Produce!
1766 155 Intrate, filii. Come forth and foot it.
Music. ⌜Enter the Countrymen, Countrywomen, and
Jailer’s Daughter; they perform a morris⌝ dance.
1767 Ladies, if we have been merry
1768 And have pleased ⌜ye⌝ with a derry,
1769 And a derry and a down,
1770 Say the Schoolmaster’s no clown.—
1771 160 Duke, if we have pleased ⌜thee⌝ too
1772 And have done as good boys should do,
1773 Give us but a tree or twain
1774 For a Maypole, and again,
1775 Ere another year run out,
1776 165 We’ll make thee laugh, and all this rout.
1777 Take twenty, Domine.—How does my sweetheart?
1778 Never so pleased, sir.
EMILIA 1779 ’Twas an excellent dance,
1780 And, for a preface, I never heard a better.
1781 170 Schoolmaster, I thank you.—One see ’em all
1782 rewarded.⌜An Attendant gives money.⌝
1783 And here’s something to paint your pole withal.
⌜He gives money.⌝
THESEUS 1784 Now to our sports again.
1785 May the stag thou hunt’st stand long,
1786 175 And thy dogs be swift and strong;
1787 May they kill him without lets,
1788 And the ladies eat his dowsets.
Wind horns ⌜within. Theseus, Hippolyta,
Emilia, Pirithous, and Train exit.⌝
1789 Come, we are all made. Dii deaeque omnes,
1790 You have danced rarely, wenches.