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As You Like It
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Navigate this workAs You Like It
Act 3, scene 3
Touchstone, desiring a goat-keeper named Audrey, has arranged for a country priest to marry them in the woods. Jaques persuades Touchstone to wait until he can have a real wedding in a church.Enter ⌜Touchstone and⌝ Audrey, ⌜followed by⌝ Jaques.
TOUCHSTONE 1632 Come apace, good Audrey. I will fetch up
1633 your goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? Am I the
1634 man yet? Doth my simple feature content you?
p. 119AUDREY 1635 Your features, Lord warrant us! What
1636 5 features?
TOUCHSTONE 1637 I am here with thee and thy goats, as the
1638 most capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the
JAQUES, ⌜aside⌝ 1640 O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than
1641 10 Jove in a thatched house.
TOUCHSTONE 1642 When a man’s verses cannot be understood,
1643 nor a man’s good wit seconded with the
1644 forward child, understanding, it strikes a man more
1645 dead than a great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I
1646 15 would the gods had made thee poetical.
AUDREY 1647 I do not know what “poetical” is. Is it honest
1648 in deed and word? Is it a true thing?
TOUCHSTONE 1649 No, truly, for the truest poetry is the most
1650 feigning, and lovers are given to poetry, and what
1651 20 they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do
AUDREY 1653 Do you wish, then, that the gods had made me
TOUCHSTONE 1655 I do, truly, for thou swear’st to me thou
1656 25 art honest. Now if thou wert a poet, I might have
1657 some hope thou didst feign.
AUDREY 1658 Would you not have me honest?
TOUCHSTONE 1659 No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favored;
1660 for honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a
1661 30 sauce to sugar.
JAQUES, ⌜aside⌝ 1662 A material fool.
AUDREY 1663 Well, I am not fair, and therefore I pray the
1664 gods make me honest.
TOUCHSTONE 1665 Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a
1666 35 foul slut were to put good meat into an unclean
AUDREY 1668 I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am
TOUCHSTONE 1670 Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness;
p. 1211671 40 sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may
1672 be, I will marry thee; and to that end I have been
1673 with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next village,
1674 who hath promised to meet me in this place of the
1675 forest and to couple us.
JAQUES, ⌜aside⌝ 1676 45I would fain see this meeting.
AUDREY 1677 Well, the gods give us joy.
TOUCHSTONE 1678 Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful
1679 heart, stagger in this attempt, for here we have no
1680 temple but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts.
1681 50 But what though? Courage. As horns are odious,
1682 they are necessary. It is said “Many a man knows no
1683 end of his goods.” Right: many a man has good
1684 horns and knows no end of them. Well, that is the
1685 dowry of his wife; ’tis none of his own getting.
1686 55 Horns? Even so. Poor men alone? No, no. The
1687 noblest deer hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the
1688 single man therefore blessed? No. As a walled town
1689 is more worthier than a village, so is the forehead of
1690 a married man more honorable than the bare brow
1691 60 of a bachelor. And by how much defense is better
1692 than no skill, by so much is a horn more precious
1693 than to want.
Enter Sir Oliver Martext.
1694 Here comes Sir Oliver.—Sir Oliver Martext, you are
1695 well met. Will you dispatch us here under this tree,
1696 65 or shall we go with you to your chapel?
OLIVER MARTEXT 1697 Is there none here to give the
TOUCHSTONE 1699 I will not take her on gift of any man.
OLIVER MARTEXT 1700 Truly, she must be given, or the
1701 70 marriage is not lawful.
JAQUES, ⌜coming forward⌝ 1702 Proceed, proceed. I’ll give
p. 123TOUCHSTONE 1704 Good even, good Monsieur What-you-call-’t.
1705 How do you, sir? You are very well met. God
1706 75 ’ild you for your last company. I am very glad to see
1707 you. Even a toy in hand here, sir. Nay, pray be
JAQUES 1709 Will you be married, motley?
TOUCHSTONE 1710 As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his
1711 80 curb, and the falcon her bells, so man hath his
1712 desires; and as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be
JAQUES 1714 And will you, being a man of your breeding, be
1715 married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to
1716 85 church, and have a good priest that can tell you
1717 what marriage is. This fellow will but join you
1718 together as they join wainscot. Then one of you will
1719 prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp,
TOUCHSTONE 1721 90I am not in the mind but I were better to
1722 be married of him than of another, for he is not like
1723 to marry me well, and not being well married, it
1724 will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my
JAQUES 1726 95Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.
⌜TOUCHSTONE⌝ 1727 Come, sweet Audrey. We must be married,
1728 or we must live in bawdry.—Farewell, good
1729 Master Oliver, not
1730 O sweet Oliver,
1731 100 O brave Oliver,
1732 Leave me not behind thee,
1734 Wind away,
1735 Begone, I say,
1736 105 I will not to wedding with thee.
⌜Audrey, Touchstone, and Jaques exit.⌝
OLIVER MARTEXT 1737 ’Tis no matter. Ne’er a fantastical
1738 knave of them all shall flout me out of my calling.